“And he’s the one who likes all our pretty songs, and he likes to sing along and he likes to shoot his gun, but he don’t know what it means.”

Day 8 was a short one. Just one film today. Rian Johnson’s The Brothers Bloom. He also wrote and directed the acclaimed Brick back in 2005.

On the way to the film I was greeted with an interesting t-shirt. It was on an old man and was bright red. It had the old Soviet hammer and sickle logo and the words “Commie Fag” on it. Good ol’ bigots.

Brothers Bloom was about two con men brothers who have lived the life of the con their entire lives. Bloom, played by Adrian Brody wants out, but not before he’s convinced to do one more con by his older brother Stephen, who’s played by Mark Ruffalo. The main problem is that Bloom falls in love with the subject of the final con. What follows is a fast paced entertaining film with cons, double crosses and some pretty funny moments.

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“I fly like a paper, get high like planes. If you catch me at the border, I got visas in my name.”

First off… let me apologize for the lateness. I had finished typing and hit a button and lost the whole thing, got pissed off and took a nap.

Today was full of famous people and crazy people. Most of the time I’m never quite sure who belongs in which group.

My first film today is the new one from Atom Egoyan. Look! A Canadian film! On the way to it I saw both crazy and famous. The craziest person I have ever seen in Toronto was in the College St. subway stop. Tiny lady with no teeth speaking in tongues. At least I think it was tongues. I don’t have a lot of experience with tongues. I really wish I hadn’t typed that.

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“Well, I’m an axe grinder piledriver. My mother says that I never, never mind her.”

Not much on TV. Regis and Kelly seems to be the best bet. Listening to the two of them makes me want to eat a bullet.

When I first received the film festival programme book, the one film that I was stoked about from the get-go was the first film I saw today. Darren Aronofsky’s The Wrestler. Today was also the day I brought someone up for the fest. Usually, I bring someone new in to experience it. The lucky one (or unlucky one depending on the films I pick) this year is my bud Dayna. Those of you who are fans of the Film Junk podcast have heard her mentioned many times and those of you who have shopped in my store have seen her standing around doing nothing.

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“I asked Bobby Dylan. I asked the Beatles. I asked Timothy Leary, but he couldn’t help me either.”

Today was a day filled with highs and lows. Very low lows.

First off… I quoted a song by Primus in yesterday’s report - ‘Winona’s Big Brown Beaver’ - yet I never mentioned why. No one called me on it either. Zach and Miri Make A Porno opened with it. I knew I was going to like it after that.

Walking to my first movie, I’m thinking about the fresh slice of free pizza I’m going to get later. Free pizza? Oh yeah! Because David Purcey of the Toronto Blue Jays was brilliant on Sunday and threw 7 strikes outs that means all ticket holders get a free slice of pizza! Gold. Well, my thought of that fresh tasty pizza blew away like an old man’s hat in a strong wind. Why do you ask? Because I saw him finally. The same man that haunts me every year. You know him as the Lex Luthor to my Superman. That creepy, older, taller, fatter look-a-like brother of Nickleback’s Chad Kroeger. I hate that guy and I have no idea why. Mind you, he probably looks at me and says, “Hey! There’s that creepy, older, fatter, look-a-like brother of Dante from Clerks.” But I’m cool with that. Most people say that guy should play me in a movie. I think it should be Ed Norton. He could capture the true essence of Greg.

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Finally, something decent on TV while I type. Scrubs! Sure it’s a DVD, but it’s still funny. One film today that I will get to in a bit.

“Come and see me. Can’t you see me. It’s so easy to believe in you.”
“Winona’s got herself a big brown beaver and she shows it off to all her friends.”

Today was an interesting day. Had some spare time this aft and decided to fit in a Blue Jays game. Solid pitching performance and a Rod Barajas RBI and we’re talking a thrilling 1-0 win. Some insights on the game. They advertised the shit out of Coke Zero. Guess what they don’t sell at the concessions? I like Coke Zero. It’s kind of my favourite soda, so I was annoyed and disappointed.

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“What have we done with innocence? It disappeared with time and never made much sense.”

It’s a cold, rainy Sunday morning and the only thing on this cable-less TV is some kids show about birds. I dislike birds. Especially big colourful ones, like parrots. They creep me out. Except for Toucan Sam. That guy is the shit.

Saturday was a light day in terms of movies, but as a whole it was eventful. The film today is a documentary called More Than A Game. It was awesome. Back in 1999 a film crew decided to follow a group of friends playing baskeball together in Akron, Ohio when they were in Grade 8 and followed them until they graduated high school. This wouldn’t really be much of a story, but that team ended being regarded as one of the greatest U.S. high school basketball teams of all time. Oh…and they had a young man by the name of LeBron James on the team.

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Usually I set the atmosphere at the internet cafe where I am, but this year I’m staying with someone who has a decent computer (sorry, bro). So, the only mood I can set for you is the fishing show that is on the TV. My roomie may have a good computer…but cable is not an option.

Moving on… Day 2 will go down as the greatest day I have ever experienced at TIFF and probably one of the best moments of my life.

“Everybody sees and everyone agrees that you and I are wrong and it’s been that way too long.”
“At the corner of your lips, as the orbit of your hips, eclipse, you elevate my soul.”
“You need coolin’, baby, I’m not foolin’. I’m gonna send you back to schoolin’”
Don’t worry I will explain a little more.

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Hello friends,

Once again, it’s time for that jezebel to invade my life and spin it upside down. You know her as TIFF…or for those new this year…the Toronto International Film Festival. For the last 12 years I’ve been putting up with her issues and her nagging and her sweet loving, and I will continue to do it because deep down she makes me happy. Why? Who the fuck knows? I feel it is only necessary to share with you a daily account of my times here and let you be a small part of the sheer insanity that is my relationship with TIFF and this asswipe of a city.

Day 1 starts off very, very late. It’s the first day of the fest and usually I never have a film on that day so this is a new feeling. It’s a Midnight Madness screening. The MM is a group of films that showcase horror, action, sci-fi and all around mayhem. I’ve seen some amazing films at the MM and I’ve seen some ‘films’ that looked like some endomorph took a hefty dump on the film reels.

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Leatherheads
Directed by: George Clooney
Written by: Duncan Brantley, Rick Reilly
Starring: George Clooney, Renée Zellweger, John Krasinski, Jonathan Pryce

Pancakes, sleep deprivation and income tax. You’re thinking…’Wow, that sounds like the best night ever!’ You’re close. It all has to do with my latest review of George Clooney’s Leatherheads.

I like George Clooney, I love comedies and I love sports and when you throw all of those into a blender it spells, delicious. Or so I thought. The delicious part of the evening came early.

I had decided to make a plan with the girls to go see Leatherheads on Friday and I thought a perfect idea beforehand would be to go for brinner first. What’s brinner? Come on…it’s the best thing ever. Breakfast for dinner. So, Elaine, Dayna and Ellyn and I head to Perkins for brinner. Elaine, Dayna and Ellyn kind of remind of female versions of Snap, Crackle and Pop. I’m not sure who’s who and it’s not because they are elves that toast rice into a tasty breakfast treat. I think it’s because all of them are about 5’2” on a good day and I’m 6’4”. Moving on. The plan to do this on Friday crashed and burned because Dayna forgot and planned a date, she also never mentioned it to her twin sister Ellyn and Elaine forgot and made an appointment at the bank. The date I can understand. Dayna met a nice guy who treats her well and obviously wants to hang out with him. Ellen was never told…so she gets a pass. Elaine, however…an appointment at the bank on a Friday night? Are they even open? How is this possible? Whatever.

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21
Directed by: Robert Luketic
Written by: Peter Steinfeld and Allan Loeb (screenplay), Ben Mezrich (book)
Starring: Jim Sturgess, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, Laurence Fishburne, Aaron Yoo, Liza Lapira

Holy shit, check this out; two reviews in one week! So, what started out as my friend Dayna coming to my volleyball game Friday night eventually turned into the two of us having dinner afterward with Elaine and Dayna’s twin sister Ellyn and then going to see the movie 21. Did you hear that? That was the collective sound of everyone reading this saying, “Why the fuck would you see that?”

You are all right. I should have listened.

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