This service allows you to pay C-listed celebrities to call you live. I just find it funny how one can go from acting in movies to telemarketing. But hey, people like Lou Ferrigno have to put food on the table some how so who am I to judge? Prices range from $19.95 for live calls to $300 for phone appearances.

Lou Ferrigno (the Hulk T.V show)
Dennis Hakins (Mr. Belding from Saved By The Bell)
Warrington Gillette (Jason in Friday 13th Part 2)
Russel Johnson (The Professor from Gilligan’s Island)
The Barbie Twins

And the list goes on. Too bad O.J wasn’t on it though. I’d like to ask him if he liked killing….time …. playing…. golf, and how his family is doing. I think the next step now is celebrity escort services. I mean come on! Wouldn’t you all pay to tap the ass of Jim LAZER, star from American Gladiators?

I’m sure everyone remembers the Commodore 64 system. I remember it robbing me of many recesses playing that damn Bruce Lee videogame indoors. Well now you can play it all online, no more need trying to find a working one for that quick nostalgic fix. It seems like everything Retro is making a comeback, and there is no doubt that nostalgia sells. If only I knew this formula back in the day. I would’ve made a show about a guy who had genital warts and then released massive limited edition/uncut/unrated/extra warty box sets of the show. I’d be friggin rich!

Don’t know much about this movie. I just know that it has been in development for quite a while now. I believe its the brain child of one of the lead concept artists that worked on all the new Starwars movies. Seems to me that robots have once ruled the earth and conflict arises somehow….. The idea sounds mediocre to me but it sure looks pretty to look at. Check out the trailer and site for more info.

Burnout Legends (PSP)
Developed by: Criterion
Published by: EA

Oh Yippy! Yet another racing game on the PSP. As if the system didn’t have its fair share of racers already. Well… that would have been my initial reaction, but this is the next installment in the Burnout franchise — often imitated but never duplicated.

Burnout’s arcade style gameplay suits the PSP platform perfectly. It’s a game where you can pick up and play in short bursts and still you’re able to unlock bonuses and other rewards like cars and tracks. You can race others, smash into them to gain speed boosts, and play other modes where you purposely cause massive traffic pile ups. Certain tracks have hidden routes and if you smash someone a certain way, like into a pillar, you can also unlock snap shots which will keep you playing even longer. Every race rewards you with points to unlock even more things. Personally that’s what got me hooked, because there is always something to do in this game.

There are a few things I wish they could have included and excluded. I’m guessing it was a performance hit, but they left out that blurring effect for when you increase to top speeds. As for the music, I could have done without that generic soundtrack comprised of mostly crappy punk bands. Its sounds like music parents would listen to in order to impress their kids, trying to act hip. (Sorry I don’t feel like listing off the bands because I don’t have the list on me.) On the same topic of music, it is also annoying when the game switches tunes in the middle of the race because sometimes there is a 1 second pause in gameplay. This can be distracting and very annoying. It’s the equivalent of that one friend that doesn’t want you to win so they just randomly press the pause button to mess you up.

With all that said, I think it’s safe to say that Burnout is the best PSP game to date. It’s one of those games that push the capabilities of the system. The graphic are clean, frame rate is fairly decent and there is still that overwhelming sensation of speed, known in every Burnout game. The best thing is coming home from work after having to sit through traffic jams and dumbasses who can’t drive, then playing the game. It is always nice to be rewarded for smashing into things rather than rewarded with hefty car insurance rates in the real world. — Chian

Guild Wars (PC)
Developed by: ArenaNet
Published by: NCSoft

Ah yes, yet another fantasy style online role playing game. You uber nerds can’t get enough can you? I guess each one has its own thing that makes it unique, but what does Guild Wars bring to the dinner table?

In total there are 6 professions to pick from and you are also given the ability to combine any 2 professions together. In terms of character creation, it’s fairly basic and there really isn’t anything too complex in terms of options and selection. There is also 2 different modes you can play, the role playing and PVP. Role playing is the story mode/quest oriented game play, and the PVP mode allows you to create a high level character you use in player to player battles.

The thing that makes this game different from others is that you get your very own world to play on, unless you invite others to join you. This means that you won’t be seeing others run around during your quests. The only time you will see other players are in certain cities where you can hang out chat and do all those Geekalicious things people do in online RPGs. So in other words it’s not a persistent world where everyone lives. Sounds lame at first but there are benefits and drawbacks from it. For example lag issues that bog down frame rates are rarely evident because you’re usually the only one in the world using bandwidth.

Guild Wars manages to borrow and fix most of the setbacks in MMO style games. The tedious traveling issues have been solved by allowing the player to freely teleport to cities they have already visited. Instead of traveling halfway across the world only having to find out you have to return back to the same guy. Why not teleport your punk ass too him/her? Another cool feature is the ability to hire mercenaries to help you conquer harder quests rather then going through the hassle of gathering a team together. Overall the quests are typical style: find this, kill this, and talk to this, but it’s still fun walking around and absorbing the stunning environments.

Overall Guild Wars has its minor annoyances of having to reform you party every time you teleport, invisible walls, not being able to jump, and enemies aggravating you from great distances. But the game will be improved over time as more and more chapters are created. With all those things set aside; Guild Wars is definitely worth a try. The major thing that attracted me to this game is no monthly fees and I’m sure I’m not the only one. I know that many people will want to compare this to World of Warcraft and if I had to pick between the two I would pick Warcraft simply because its more in-depth. But with free monthly charges, you don’t have to worry about committing vast amounts of time in order to get your money’s worth. — Chian

GetGames.ca provides online video game rentals anywhere in Canada offering over 2,000 video game selections from every major console and handheld console. Online video game rental is the easiest way to rent games No Late Fees! No Due Dates! (Note from Sean: This is not a paid advertisement, just a plug for a service that a friend of ours is starting up. Since there is nothing else like this in Canada yet, we figured some people out there might be interested!)

Metal Slug Advance (Game Boy Advance)
Developed by: Playmore
Published by: SNK NeoGeo

The original Neo Geo Metal Slut.. I mean Metal Slug, came out to arcades in 1996. This version for the Gameboy Advance is basically a port of the original game, but it also has a few extras added to the mix. Lock and load the cartridge into your GBA and get ready for some gun-slinging action BIATCH!

The side-scrolling jumping and shooting style gameplay of metal slug is the perfect game for the GBA market. Think Contra but with better graphics. Blow up everything in sight and save as many prisoners as possible. You can even hop into tanks and planes to further your destructive needs.

In comparison to the arcade version, the GBA version contains more replay value and it gets rid of minor frustrations. One of the major changes they made was getting rid of the instant deaths in place of a life meter. Personally I’m glad they did so, because my GBA would be in a million pieces by now from dying every 2 seconds. Other changes include the ability to collect prisoner cards and things like items and power ups.

Graphically this game still looks sweet. The animations are still comical and the sound effects are pretty much the way I remembered them. One of the best thing about the arcade version is the 2 player co-op mode. For some reason they took it out in this version, which kind of sucks, but who the hell plays multiplayer games on the GBA anyways? Another thing is the game is too damn short. Only 5 main stages in total with infinite continues, so you will blow through it pretty fast. That’s why you can go back to previous levels and look for cards and other secrets… Duhh!

The best part about this game is that anyone can pick it up and instantly play. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to play, unless the rocket scientist is a dumbass knuckle head McSpazzitron. It’s nice to see games like this still kicking around, reminding us how cool games were back in the day. — Chian

Man I’m so pissed off right now.

I know a lot of you people often frequent this site for your downloading needs. This site had everything you could have ever wanted to download. It was super file sharing to the max

My guess is the recent lawsuits and stuff going on involving bittorrent, because I don’t believe any of that crap stated on the site.

Half-Life 2 (PC)
Developed by: Valve Software
Published by: Vivendi Universal

Ah yes, about time this damn game came out! After all those delays and source code thefts and a slew of other mishaps, it’s finally out! I believe it was 6 years in the making. Now was it worth the wait?

Once again you don the shoes of Gordon Freeman, a theoretical physicist/one man army Rambo Mofo. Years after the events of Half-Life 1, Gordon is planted into City 17 to help fight the Combine soldiers. Along the way you will meet up with old friends and foes, but everyone knows who you are already, considering you pretty much saved earth from an alien invasion in Half-Life 1.

You begin the game in similar fashion to the game’s predecessor. It’s basically another day at work for Mr. Freeman. “Rise and shine Mr. Freeman,” time to go to work now you one hell of a tough nerd. You will also notice that there are many scene of deja-vu in HL2, but the story in HL2 doesn’t match up to the greatness of part one. Most of it seems like filler material and nothing really gets answered. That’s ok though, everything else kicks ass. So bear with me biatch.

HL 2’s new source game engine has set the bar up a few notches in the industry. I think it’s safe to say that HL 2 has the best graphics in a video game to date… even better than Doom 3. All objects interact nicely with lights. The water effects even have nice refractions and reflections. Everything in this game reacts like real life. Almost anything can be picked up and thrown, and it will react physically as it would in the real world. Often times you have to keep this in mind in order to solve certain puzzles. An example would be placing plastic barrels under water to help raise a wooden pallet in order to form a ramp to jump across. It’s these clever puzzles they make you do that separate HL2 from being a mindless run and gun type game.

The weapons and vehicles are another highlight in this game. You will find the typical guns, like shotguns and pistols, but most importantly you get to use the gravity gun. This gun was originally designed for moving heavy objects. But it’s much more fun picking up a toilet and shooting it towards someone. You will find that it’s the only gun you will ever want to use, considering you don’t need ammo for it. Anything lying around can be used as a weapon with the almighty gravity gun. Another cool weapon you can get is the bug bait. Gordon would throw the bait which gives off a scent that attracts these giant ant type aliens. The ant thingies will attack wherever you throw the bait to and you basically let them do all the work like provide covering fire so you can get into the next room etc.

One of the biggest additions to HL2 is the ability to drive vehicles. To be specific you can drive a hover boat and dune buggy. Often times the vehicle will tip over and you will have to use the gravity gun to physically tip it back over.

Not only do the levels look almost real, but they have nice interactivity. Objects can be moved and things can be turned on, like spinning blades which you can use to help kill enemies. At times you just want to stand there and just observe how pretty everything is, whether it’s zombie brains on the walls to nice foliage on the ground.

There will be a part 3 no doubt, I just hope it doesn’t take them another 6 years to make cause I don’t think I can live that long to see it. I say who cares about story, cause this game is super fun to play. What it lacks in story, it gains with everything else plus one and infinity.

9.8 on my ass kick meter

– Chian

EDINBURGH BASED COMPANY CEC Systems has developed a brand new search engine which is surely set to revolutionise the way we browse the internet.

No typing bad words! Except arse if you still want to.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2)
Developed by: Rockstar Games
Published by: Take 2 Interactive

I’m pretty sure most of you people have heard of the game Grand Theft Auto. Whether it’s from the legion of fans, or from moms who say their kids killed a whole wack of people at the Avondale because they were exposed to this game. Well now they have more to bitch about, now that San Andreas in finally out. “Look ma! I learned a new word today it’s MUTHAFACKER!” Okay, well I’m not going to debate the effects of the game on kids, so I’ll just tell you about this game.

Carl Johnson finally returns home from after 5 years, when his mom is murdered by rival gang members. You basically live his every day life trying to gain respect from your homies and gang members. The more respect you gain, the more things you are able to do, like start your own gang and eventually own everyone’s ass. Missions open up and other parts of town get opened up also as you progress.

San Andreas is loosely based off of Los Angeles. It is filled with its upper-class to ghettos areas and the streets are engulfed in gang warfare. For those of you who have played Vice City, the previous installment in the series, you will notice that San Andreas is 3 times bigger, 3 times better, and 3 times more fun. Some of the newest features in the game are the abilities to; swim, perform home invasions, customization of clothing and hair, ability to work out and eat food to gain muscle/fat and other attributes, and the list just goes on. There is more variety in missions including the stealth missions (think Manhunt) and new modes like pimpin’, where one has to drive around picking up hookers. The amount of things you can do in this game is the equivalent of owning 20 games in one. You can even walk into a store and play arcade games. Basically the city is your bitch and you can do what ever you feel like, whenever you feel like. There are even rumors you can find Bigfoot walking around in the desert and aliens flying around if you look closely. It’s pure madness the amount of content they managed to pack into this game. There is just way too much stuff to go over, like all the celebrity voiceovers and all the cool cars you can punk, so I’m going to just shut up and get back to capping da police.

I can’t really think of anything I didn’t enjoy in this game except maybe a few bugs here and there and maybe have camera movement slightly faster when turning corners. All I can say is this game will be on every gamer’s Christmas list and it will continue to sell and spread like aids. So if you don’t have aids… I mean the game yet, you better run and go buy it. Or else I’m going to send some big black dude to your crib so he can “best be getting propa on yo punk ass.”

9.75346 out of 10 on the ass kick meter.

– Chian

Metallica w/ Godsmack
Wednesday, Oct. 6, 2004 @ Air Canada Centre, Toronto

Metallica is back in Toronto at the ACC for another sold out performance with opener Godsmack.

22 years of rocking will generate a massive fan base that will consist of people like Old biker farts, 11 year old stoner kids, to the typical mullet clad metal heads. 22 years of rocking and these dudes are still some how head banging to the bank. With that all said, was the show worth the big ticket prices the band is charging?

The stage was on a slowly rotating platform and rigged with everything from lights to smoke, and 12 foot flames. Above the stage, there were screens and suspended people in chairs operating lights and cameras. The pyrotechnics were done well, although at some points it just seemed like they had leftovers so they just chucked it in here and there. The sound was good, except for some of the minor screw ups, an example would be the part when they tried to syncing audio over top when the little girl recites the prayer during the song Enter Sandman. At one point Hetfield yells to the audience something like “who here bought our new album?” The audience obviously cheers back, but I was hoping everyone would yell out “WE ALL DOWNLOADED IT!” just to see how pissed off Lars gets.

Needless to say the whole place was booming, before, during, and after the show. Lots of stage presence and the band didn’t seem to want to leave. They played 3 encores and the show spanned to about 3 hours long. There was a good mixture of old and new songs in the set list. One of the highlights for me was when they played the song One and how the strobes kicked in during the last half of the song.

Too tell you the truth, I haven’t listened to Metallica since high school and currently don’t really have a lot of respect for them anymore, from current events. I only went because a friend offered to pay for everything because he didn’t want to look like a school girl wetting his panties over a rock band by himself. However it was an entertaining stage show and everyone had a blast. Now I can’t seem to hear very good.

7.4 out of 10 on my ass kick meter.

– Chian