Legion Review
Legion
Directed by: Scott Stewart
Written by: Scott Stewart, Peter Schink
Starring: Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid, Tyrese Gibson, Adrianne Palicki, Charles S. Dutton, Lucas Black, Kevin Durand
When you’ve got a movie about angels being sent down to Earth to exterminate humanity with machine guns, logic dictates that you’re probably not going to see particularly deep characters or Oscar-calibre acting. And don’t get me wrong, if you sit down to watch Legion, you won’t find either of these things on screen. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell first-time director Scott Stewart, who seems to have it in his head that he is assembling a complex human drama here, when nothing could be farther from the truth.
With his background in special effects, an action-fantasy based on Biblical mythology should have been a slam dunk for Stewart. His previous credits include Jurassic Park: The Lost World, Sin City, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and a couple of the Pirates of the Caribbean films. The fact is, he does manage to come up with some cool and creepy visuals, and indeed, two of the scenes that were featured heavily in the trailer actually play fairly well in the film. The problem is that outside of a few tense scenes and some decent FX, the movie is overflowing with painfully cliched moments and, in the end, it goes absolutely nowhere. That, above all, is the film’s fatal flaw. Sorry… one of the film’s many fatal flaws.
You’ve heard the story of the archangel Michael before, but you’ve never seen it quite like this. It seems that God has gotten “tired of all the bullshit”, and has decided that the human race needs to be wiped off the planet. He orders his army of angels to carry out this task, but Michael rebels and sides with mankind. He heads to a small diner in the middle of New Mexico, where he must hole up with a group of strangers and protect an unborn child that is humanity’s only hope.
The fact that the movie is set in one location works well, and for the most part, I enjoyed the siege aspect of the film. As the “apocalypse” starts rolling in and these people are cut off from the rest of the world, it adds a cool sense of mystery and suspense. The more that the attacks build, however, the less interesting things get. The movie fails to increase the tension, and never really gets across the feeling that humanity is truly at stake.
Part of the problem is that the strangers grouped together in this diner are, for the most part, pretty unlikeable. In between the action, there are these long, drawn out moments of horribly trite dialogue where the characters reveal their checkered pasts. Charlie didn’t want her baby, and might give him up for adoption. Jeep has feelings for Charlie, but is too scared to act on them. Bob bought this diner, expecting it to make money after a new highway was built, but the highway never came. He doesn’t want his son to make the same mistake. Blah blah blah… can someone just shoot something already?
Michael is the least interesting character of all. He just sits in a corner and looks grim the whole time. He is not heroic or charismatic in the least, and you’d almost forget he was there. But I guess that’s because he’s not the true hero of the story… that is Jeep, a totally uninteresting dweeb who has no turning point and no character arc. He just sort of becomes the saviour by default.
In spite of its many flaws, Legion does have a few minor redeeming qualities. For one, it’s great to see Charles S. Dutton back on screen again in a role that harkens back to his performance in Alien 3. The possessed humans are pretty eerie and have a look reminiscent of the vampires in 30 Days of Night. Some of the siege scenes, although far and few between, are effective, even if much of the action resorts to people just standing and shooting guns, save for the big fight between Michael and Gabriel.
Sadly, it all falls apart by the end of the film, with a ridiculous, anti-climactic ending that leaves you holding the bag and wondering why you sat through everything that came before it. Throughout the movie there are plenty of little loopholes that crop up, but the final showdown is borderline nonsensical — and also leaves plenty of room for a sequel, if you can believe it. There was barely enough of a story here for one movie, let alone two or three! Do yourself a favour and skip this one. Legion is a disaster of biblical proportions. — Sean
SCORE: 
Recommended If You Like: The Prophecy, 30 Days of Night, The Mist
Comments (17)
Out of all the nonsensical moments, my favorite nonsensical moment is seeing a horrific car crash and see everyone get out, except the slut, unscatched. Must be a magic baby.
Posted by Primal on January 25th, 2010“leaves you holding the bag”
What?
Posted by Henrik on January 25th, 2010It’s an expression. If you are left holding the bag, you have just been screwed.
Posted by Sean on January 25th, 2010Hmm, that makes sense. The way I relate it is how I always refused holding my gf’s purse when she’d try on shit in the dressing room. You know your screwed when you look like a faggot.
Posted by Primal on January 25th, 2010Look at that cast list. That’s a lot of talent “left holding the bag”.
Posted by HFD on January 25th, 2010”left holding the bag” …ahahahhaah priceless i gotta use this..
The meaning of the phrase depends on kind of the Bag?
Posted by KYriakos on January 25th, 2010“leaves you holding the bagâ€
What?
Means “the bag is on you” or the joke is on you I think…
Posted by Matt on January 25th, 2010?
Does no one know the term ‘left holding the bag’?
I think it refers to a scenario where you’ve stolen something, it’s in a bag and the cops come – everyone runs and leave you with the bag of stolen goods.
Posted by Nick Robertson on January 25th, 2010I always learn something new from Sean’s review.
Posted by Napalm on January 25th, 2010I though “left holding the bag” was a common expression. Those of you that hadn’t heard it before, are you really young, or possibly from outside of North America?
Posted by Brendan on January 25th, 2010Here’s a quick definition/origin of the phrase:
“It actually dates back to the middle of the eighteenth century in Britain. The original version was to give somebody the bag to hold, meaning to keep somebody occupied or distracted while you slipped away. Figuratively, it meant to leave somebody in the lurch, to let them stay around to take the blame for something that had gone wrong.”
Source:
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-lef1.htm
Now you know. And knowing is half the battle!
Posted by Brendan on January 25th, 2010I am outside North America.
Posted by Henrik on January 26th, 2010@Primal you only look like a faggot holding the purse because you swing it around your arm and whistle like a teen girl mallrat.
Posted by Itchy-Finger on January 26th, 2010uh oh, don’t wanna upset the FJ homo community, sorry Itchy-Finger.
Posted by Primal on January 26th, 2010Lets not forget this movie was shit and offered really nothing of value to anyone.
Posted by MoviePorch on April 5th, 2010“left holding the bag†….as in,”left holding the bag of sh*t”…thats what I always understood it to mean…, an expression passed down through the generations.
Posted by marqE on May 15th, 2010Sean, your review is spot on. The best moment of the film is when the old lady transformed and climbed the walls and ceiling. That was damned creepy. However, the movie shot its load with that one scene and that was something that we all saw in the trailer. I agree with Sean, avoid this movie.
Posted by Zoo on August 28th, 2010Leave a Reply