Greg’s 2009 TIFF Report: Day 5
I was about a foot away from certain death yesterday. This is what is called a hook. Right now, one of two things is crossing your mind. 1) Oh my God! How did Greg almost die? Or 2) What idiot fucked up Greg’s death? Read on to find out.
It’s my busiest day in Toronto as far as movies go, so I grab some coffee and head downtown. There’s this very cool cafe right across where I’m staying in Toronto that makes a very decent cup of coffee. They also crank CCR over the speakers which it makes that much more cool. I was standing in line and this dude comes up and puts his hand on my chest and says “I like your shirt.” It is an awesome shirt, but I think the touching thing was kind of odd. I said thanks and ordered my coffee and that was that. Who does that? Maybe I should put my hand on a girl’s chest and say “I like you shirt” and see what happens. I think we all know what would happen.
The first film I have today is called Defendor. It stars Woody Harrelson as a man with some mental deficiencies who at night takes on the guise of costumed vigilante Defendor! You can read my full review here. The best part of the film was the fact tha it was set in Hamilton. The local paper was called the Spectator and the town was referred to as the Hammer. You even got a few cityscape shots as well. Awesome.
I exit the cinema and turn around and go right back in for my next film. Bitch Slap. I’m not really sure how to describe Bitch Slap. You really need to watch the trailer. If three big breasted, sweaty, sexy women that kick ass is up your alley, then find a way to see this film. You can read the full review here. The movie was awesome.
I have a few hours in between screenings so I head back to where I’m staying to write a review or two. As I’m exiting the subway station, I paused to let a streetcar turn in front of me. As I put my foot down I rolled my ankle and tumbled forward and did a log roll to within a foot of being under the moving streetcar. That would have been a painful way to go. It was pretty insane. I have no idea if anybody saw this happen, but being the city of Toronto, I would hardly expect anyone to care.
I head back downtown for a screening of the new Werner Herzog film, My Son My Son What Have Ye Done. The last Herzog film I saw at the festival was the very awesome Rescue Dawn, so I was looking forward to this one. I soon discovered that it was a collaboration with David Lynch and I’m not a fan of David Lynch and after the random scenes with live pink flamingos and a midget in a tuxedo, I was lost. Even Willem Dafoe couldn’t help me through this. Needless to say, I wasn’t really a fan of this.
I have some time to grab some dinner before my last film and as most of you know I’m a huge fan of brinner. You know, breakfast for dinner. I head to Fran’s and get some bacon and eggs and it comes with two pancakes. Delicious. I get up to leave and I, one again, have maple syrup all over my shirt. This time Motley Crue gets the sauce. For fuck’s sake. Why am I not able to eat like an adult?
My last movie is the film adaptaion of Robert E. Howard’s pulp hero Solomon Kane. Howard also created the more poplular character of Conan the Barbarian. Lots of swords, lots of pistols, lots of blood, lots of killing. You know the drill. Read a full review here.Someone brought a beachball to the screening. That was new.
I’d like to give a shout out to the two gents that recognized me from filmjunk.com today. Neil, Star, thanks for saying hello.
Finally, I return home at about 2:30am and what’s on the counter? A fresh pan of homemade apple crisp. Thanks Kris.
Comments (12)
I actually sat right in front of Greg at the My Son, My Son screening. The best part was hearing him laugh as soon as the midget in the tuxedo popped on screen, which reminded me that Greg loves midgets. So that makes two film junkers that I’ve met – both very cool. Maybe it’s best that I haven’t met Jay. He would probably call me a cock or something to that effect.
Posted by Neil M on September 17th, 2009From the “hook”, I was expecting a story of how Greg almost died from Erotic asphyxiation in his Toronto hotel room, like David Carradine…
Posted by paulm on September 17th, 2009Greg, you should really consider wearing vinyl clothing or eating through a straw.
Posted by Nuno on September 17th, 2009I can’t believe you finished the day after the near death (I roll my weakass ankles all the time, SUCKS) – Sean needs to up your pay and medical benefits from Filmjunk Co.
Posted by rus in chicago on September 17th, 2009yeesh Greg glad you’re alright, it would be bad form to get taken out just weeks after someone emailed the podcast asking what would happen if you died.
Posted by Goon on September 17th, 2009Wait not a David Lynch fan? You have seen the Straight Story right?
Posted by tim crimson on September 17th, 2009Ahhh…Straight Story. One of the near flawless films in American cinema. You are so right Mr. Crimson.
BTW – what was on the t-shirt you were wearing, Greg?
Posted by Thom Clare Ernst on September 17th, 2009“Star”
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Posted by Shut-Up Ed on September 17th, 2009Motley Crue
Posted by Greg on September 17th, 2009When you figure out the secret to eating without getting anything on your shirt, please do a special edition of Film Junk about it. Almost every time I eat I get something on my shirt. Fortunately, I wear a lot of plaid, so it’s hard to see the spills…
Posted by paulm on September 17th, 2009Yeah, Star’s my name, given to me by my parents at birth. I thought about asking Greg to punch Reed in the larynx for me, but I actually like Reed.
Maybe he can punch Shut-Up Ed in the larynx instead.
I think I enjoyed Solomon Kane a little more than you did, Greg. I went in not expecting much, and was pleasantly surprised about how much it felt like an early 80s film – a couple of pacing issues (hey, look, we’re in the castle now!), but simple, solid, and that many decapitations has to be worth something.
Posted by Star on September 18th, 2009Star!!!
Bwahahahahahaha!!! What the hell kind of father names his son Star?!?! Unreal. Some character he must be.
Posted by Shut-Up Ed on September 19th, 2009Leave a Reply