Film Junk’s Top 10 Gag Inducing Sex Scenes
10. STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY (1991)
I’ll admit it, this might be a bit of a stretch. However, I’m sure that any fan of Star Trek 6 will know exactly which scene I’m referring to here. Two words: mind meld. For the uninitiated; Spock uses his infamous mind meld technique to pry some information out of Lieutenant Valeris, a Vulcan officer who’s suspected of having some involvement in a plot to assassinate the Klingon Chancellor Gorkon. An important note: Valeris is played by none other than Kim Cattrall of Sex and the City fame! (Or for those of us who aren’t lame, Gracie Law from Big Trouble in Little China.) Although the mind meld isn’t necessarily intended as a sexual act, the actors are certainly playing it up as one. A series of disgusting moans and whimpers leave the rest of the Enterprise crew (this is all happening on the bridge in front of EVERYONE) shifting uncomfortably as they avoid eye contact and think to themselves ‘Did they just….no. Did they?’. So essentially, Spock rapes the information out of her. GAG.
Todd Solondz and the term ‘gag inducing’ probably go hand-in-hand for some people. Personally, I think he’s a genius and remains one of the few filmmakers to truly capture disgusting characters on film without it feeling completely false and written. Although Storytelling isn’t one of my favourite films of his, I wanted to include it on this list because of a certain scene that while not quite ‘gag inducing’, certainly hit a note with the ratings board. If you’ve scene the film, you probably know that I’m referring to the sexual encounter between Selma Blair’s character and the College professor she looks up to. The scene is extremely awkward, very rough, and plays out in one wide master. In order to avoid an NC-17 rating, Solondz decided to appease the MPAA by slapping a giant orange box on top of both characters, leaving the audience filling in the blanks with a little help from the grunting and expletives. According to Solondz, it was a political statement: “I was prepared to make that political statement. This is something I’ve always been prepared to do, as long as the audience is aware of what it’s not allowed to see. That’s how I feel “politically” about that.” Apparently the box originally contained the word ‘Censored’, but the MPAA ruled against it claiming that they don’t consider themselves censors. Definitely a powerful scene either way you view it and a ballsy statement on censorship by Solondz.
This scene did for masturbation worthy sex scenes starring hot A-list actresses what Honey I Shrunk the Kids did for taking the love and respect of your family and friends for granted. On the one hand, you’ve got sultry, sweaty close ups of the wonderful Jennifer Connely. On the other hand, you’ve got a giant double ended dildo intercut with close ups of a sweaty, and definitely not sultry, Ellen Burstyn receiving shock treatment on her face. It’s not really the sex that makes this scene gag inducing; it’s the editing. Match cuts of Jennifer going ass to ass with a prostitute and Marlon Wayans thrusting a giant paddle in and out of a massive tub of something resembling mashed potatoes is enough to trigger reflexive gagging or possibly uncontrollable seizures. (NOTE: Keith David is particularly creepy in this scene, second only to the giant dildo.) GAG.
7. THE RETURN OF THE SWAMP THING (1989)
There are two gag worthy moments in the sex scene (more like love scene. GAG.) in Jim Wynorsky’s ‘The Return of the Swamp Thing’. First off, when Heather Locklear finally decides to fuck a living plant man, there’s some initial hesitation on his part. He doesn’t want to disappoint. But she pushes, and he gives in and proceeds to break off a piece of his plant body and feed it to her. Pretty gross right? That’s not even the worst part. After she eats it, the camera tilts up and we enter a dream sequence — complete with vaseline on the lens — in which Locklear makes out with some muscular, second-rate Joe Montana looking goofball. The lack of plant sex is actually a little disappointing. After all, Jim Wynorsky has since gone on to direct such soft-core porn classics as ‘The Breastford Wives’, ‘House on Hooter Hill’ and ‘Bone Eater’; on all of which he’s credited as H.R. Blueberry. Nice!
As far as uncomfortable, brutal rape scenes are concerned, Irreversible may hold the honour of being one of the worst. The long take, the public place, and the CG penis; all of it adds up to a visceral experience that provides the appropriate setting for the extreme violence that, in the case of the film’s backwards storytelling, came before it. Having said that, if beating someone with a fire extinguisher could be considered even remotely sexual, it would’ve been another great reason to include this film on this list. GAG.
The notorious climax of Vincent Gallo’s critically maligned The Brown Bunny is…gross. I actually didn’t mind the film as a whole. It’s long, self-indulgent and pretentious, but the photography is nice and the pacing reminds me of Two-Lane Blacktop. The shitty thing is, I really don’t want to see Gallo get blown. I think Chloe Sevigny is great, but again, I don’t want to watch her blow Vincent Gallo. I’m not sure if this is the expected response to the scene. Like John Cameron Mitchell’s Shortbus (a movie I disliked so much that I don’t even want to give it the pleasure of being on this list because I feel like it would be honoured) graphic sexuality will always run the risk of stealing a story’s thunder, turning a film into a cheap thrill. Just think how many people skipped the 10 minute scene of Gallo riding his bike on a salt bed to get to the sex scene? I know Roger Ebert did. GAG.
4. I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE A.K.A. DAY OF THE WOMAN (1978)
The only thing that could’ve made The Spice Girls ‘Girl Power’ campaign all the more powerful is if the group had been previously raped, and slowly murdered their attackers in a bloody fit of revenge. In this respect, I Spit on Your Grave has the Spice Girls beat. I think the most shocking element of this film is its pacing. Seriously. Two scenes come to mind: after having been attacked, the main character Jennifer Hills slowly does the walk of shame through the woods back to her house. Literally. We pretty much see the entire walk. In another scene, she circles one of her attackers in a speedboat…for a very long time. Eventually she hits him with an axe, which begs the question; why not cut down the circling and spend more time showing her hit the guy with the axe?? DUH! I won’t say these scenes don’t work though. For some reason the pacing adds to the brutal realism. One of the more memorable scenes of the film that secured a spot on this list finds Jennifer convincing one of her attackers to join her for a sensual bathing session. Little does he know, a giant f-ing knife is within her reach and just when he’s starting to feel good, she cuts his dick off. Seriously. Buzzkill and GAG.
Of all of the ridiculous shit that goes on in Nail Gun Massacre, there’s one thing that’s just too real for its own good; the sex scene. More specifically, the sex scene where the hairy dude pummels the chick against a tree in the middle of the woods. It’s hard to pinpoint what exactly makes this scene gag inducing, but it may have something to do with the caliber of performers involved. The cast is made up of non-actors who are either friends of the directors, or F-listers looking for their big break. In this case, the guy with his pants around his ankles apparently ended up being served divorce papers for what director Terry Lofton says ‘is as close as you can get’ to actual on screen sex. Afterall, he should know. He was the lucky guy who got to lay underneath these people holding a tube and a syringe, awkwardly waiting to pump blood through a discreetly hidden tube as their genitals rub against each other right in his face. GAG.
Transvestite (playing mother) + dirty hippy (playing son) + blow job x incest = GAG.
1. THRILLER A.K.A. THEY CALL HER ONE EYE (1974)
In Liam Neeson’s latest film ‘Taken’, his character sets out on a mission to save his daughter who has been kidnapped and forced in to sex slavery. The bad guys keep the girls in control by getting them hooked on drugs, and Neeson uses his CIA training to track down the culprits and punch them in their faces with books. Minus a few minor differences, this is the exact plot of Bo Arne Vibenius’ Swedish revenge picture ‘Thriller’; otherwise known as ‘They Call Her One Eye’. The minor differences? Replace Neeson’s professionally trained CIA agent with a revenge thirsty, eye patch wearing female victim (her eye was cut out as punishment by her pimp), taking it upon herself to learn the fine art of killing on her own time and her own dime. Nothing beats a shotgun blast to the chest in EXTREEEEMMMMEEEE slow motion. As for the gag inducing sex? Eight words; Close up of male ejaculate on an ass hole. Sorry, nine words. Is asshole one word? Eight words. Either way, you won’t find that in a Liam Neeson film. GAG.
Comments (60)
Yay for a good list.
Boo for hating on Shortbus.
Posted by swarez on March 26th, 2009My mind AND genitals are officially blown.
Posted by dom_g on March 26th, 2009And for those of us even less lame, the title character from Mannequin.
I don’t know whether I should feel shame or pride for finding most of these scenes hot.
Aaaaass to aaaaaaass…
Posted by Wintle on March 26th, 2009Haha, great list. If ever there was a need for a top 10, this would be it. I love it that you are participating much more on FilmJunk lately Jay, keep up the good work
Posted by Kasper F. Nielsen on March 26th, 2009Where’s Angie Dickinson and William Shatner’s sex scene in Big Bad Mama?
Posted by Ethan on March 26th, 2009well that is a pretty good list. kudos!
Posted by cronenfly on March 26th, 2009Awesome. Don’t know if anyone submitted it to Digg so I took the liberty.
http://digg.com/movies/Top_10_Gag_Inducing_Sex_Scenes
Posted by Neil M on March 26th, 2009LOVE IT! All awesome choices, especially #2.
Posted by Drew on March 26th, 2009Nice. Funny writing too. Another good list would be Top 10 total waste of time movies. Like a public service; just name a few that are so bad in an objective sense that they aren’t worth watching. That ought to stir up some contraversy.
Posted by Ian on March 26th, 2009CG penis, what?! really? I know it is a one long take but he does put his hand down there. How do find this stuff Jay? The funny part about this film nugget (or other funny part) is I remember Ebert, Roper or some other famous critic bemoaning Vincent’s inability to stay hard in his apartment scenes with his actual wife Monica Bellucci – both questioning the guys manhood and his own lust for her. Why did the filmmakers not fix that penis?
Posted by rus in chicago on March 26th, 2009rus: They talk about the cg penis in the special features on the disc. Definitely a must see.
Posted by Jay C. on March 26th, 2009What about Oldboy? It’s not gag worthy in the moment but after the revalation at the end, all I can hear is his daughter passionately calling his name. Gag.
Posted by Chaz on March 26th, 2009Awesome guys. This list is hilarious. I feel like I need to take a shower now.
Posted by Pr1mal on March 27th, 2009Jay, now I know why you don’t have the time to watch Seven Samurai. Ha ha.
BTW, that scene in Star Trek VI wasn’t a rape; it was a mind f*ck. Totally different.
Posted by Reed Farrington on March 27th, 2009You’re usually pretty astute Jay but you forgot the worst sex scene ever, A History of Violence. It’s like if Full House had a graphic sex scene.
Posted by Rusty James on March 27th, 2009Glad to see another person hating on Shortbus. God that movie was stupid. Though I did like the cute Chinese-Canadian lady. ORGASM MONTAGE!!!
Posted by Snorfle on March 27th, 2009Yay for also hating Shortbus! Pretentious art crap!
Posted by Mike White on March 27th, 2009A great list! Being a huge John Waters fan I’m not usually grossed out by these kinds of scenes, but I can still appreciate them. There are loads of other sex scenes in Waters movies to rival the blowing Crackers scene. The rosary job scene in “Multiple Maniacs”, the chicken sex and artificial insemination scenes in “Pink Flamingos”, the rape on the trash-heap in “Female Trouble” (the dirty underpants are the cherry on top), Edith Massey dry humping with a nazi goon in “Desperate Living”, a nude Mink Stole and Jean Hill sharing a passionate love session also in “Desperate Living”… Some other films that are worth noting for their gross sex scenes are Lina Wertmuller’s “The Seduction of Mimi” and “Seven Beauties” in which men have to have sex with fat, ugly women in order to get what the want. And Marco Ferreri’s “Tales of Ordinary Madness” in which Ben Gazarra tries to return to the womb – repeatedly ramming his head between a fat prostitutes legs hoping it will go inside. That’s a gross film for a number of reasons, but I love it. As for the rape scene in “Irreversible” I didn’t think it was as shocking as that in “Baise Moi” with its vomit and explicit penetration. It may not have gone on as long but it was closer than I’d ever want to be again to seeing the real thing. Oh, and the castration scene in “I Spit on Your Grave” had a little competition from the under-rated “Teeth”, a film with bite in more ways than one.
Posted by David Munn on March 27th, 2009Oh, and great to see that you are also a Todd Solondz fan. That scene went uncensored in Australia, and the film was only rated MA15+, so you only had to be fifteen to see it. Good to see that Solondz is working on a new film – a kind of follow up to “Happiness” but with different characters apparently. And the cast is to include Paul Reubens and Paris Hilton!
Posted by David Munn on March 27th, 2009Rusty James: I didn’t forget about A History of Violence. I just didn’t think it was really gag inducing, but rather just explicit and aggressive. If anything, I would’ve somehow worked in the bath house fight in Eastern Promises as a gag inducing sex scene.
Posted by Jay C. on March 27th, 2009I’m missing the scene from The Shining where Jack is making out with the corpse. OK, technically they’re not having sex, but the grossness of it makes it just as bad!
Posted by Bas on March 27th, 2009Rusty James, I think you need to watch History of Violence again. The sex scenes are part of the reason that film is so great. Cronenberg is the master of tying sex to the phobias of man. That film would have been very weak if he hadn’t added the layer of aggression and sex to the piece. Possibly cringe worthy to the delicate, but totally engrossing. By being so important to the entire film it does not deserve to be on this list.
Posted by rus in chicago on March 27th, 2009does Cannibal Holocaust fit in this list…should Cannibal Holocaust be in every list with “gag” in the heading
Posted by rus in chicago on March 27th, 2009rus: I think Cannibal Holocaust totally could’ve made this list. I just didn’t want to have the entire thing represented by grindhouse movies. Good choice though.
Posted by Jay C. on March 27th, 2009“By being so important to the entire film it does not deserve to be on this list.”
That sentiment could apply to half the films on this list.
Posted by Wintle on March 27th, 2009Should the list be for both gag inducing because it was unnecessary for the filmmakers to “go there”, as well as, the actual act being depicted? The Star Trek entry sounds like a gag inducing sex scene because they choose to add an layer that was not necessary. Brown Bunny is the same plus it shows the real act. Then you have Irreversible; that scene is just brutal but actually is needed in the context of that story.
Posted by rus in chicago on March 27th, 2009Adding to Rus’s defense of A History of Violence … it’s also a really hot scene!
Creepiest sex scenes I’ve ever witnessed were in two obscure Alan Rickman films from the 90s:
In 1995’s An Awfully Big Adventure, he sleeps with a 16-year-old girl — he was about 50. The scene itself wasn’t too revealing or shocking, just a little creepy. Then at the end of the movie, we find out that the girl was his long-lost daughter.
In 1991’s Close Your Eyes, Rickman is the scorned husband of a woman who’s having an affair with her brother, who’s played by a very young Clive Owen. Again, the scenes themselves aren’t that bad, but there are a lot of them, and incest … yeah, just … no thank you.
Posted by Ashley on March 27th, 2009@ By being so important to the entire film it does not deserve to be on this list.
If that were the criteria I dont think Irreversible would be on the list.
I’ve watched A History of Violence several times. It’s shit.
Posted by Rusty James on March 27th, 2009@ If anything, I would’ve somehow worked in the bath house fight in Eastern Promises as a gag inducing sex scene.
? ! I must’ve seen a different cut of that film.
Posted by Rusty James on March 27th, 2009I don’t get out much, but I can say I won’t be seeing any of these films any time soon! The only one I’ve actually seen on the list is the Star Trek movie, and that was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far–wait: wrong film….
Posted by hyphenate on March 27th, 2009@ Rusty James: “I’ve watched A History of Violence several times. It’s shit.”
Then why do you keep watching it?
Posted by Ashley on March 27th, 2009@ Then why do you keep watching it?
You see how it is, They get ya from both directions. If you’ve seen it once you have to see it again. If you’ve seen it multiple times then how come you keep watching it?
Whatever the correct number of times you’re aloud to see a movie and say it’s bad, that’s how many times I’ve seen AHOV.
Posted by Rusty James on March 27th, 2009Jay C. – the next version of this list would be “Film Sex Scenes That Made You Uncomfortable With Yourself Because They Turned You On And They Are Amoral”
Irreversible did that to me. I could spend hours in therapy working through that one. In the end maybe that is just one of the many reasons we all love the variety of film; in that it allows us to observe worlds, relationships and deviant behavior so we can analyze our responses and be better for it.
Posted by rus in chicago on March 28th, 2009Comment no. 32 is awesome.
Sex on film rarely has an impact on me, since I can think of no scenes that I like or dislike.
Posted by Henrik on March 28th, 2009rus – That’s a good point. As Madeline says in “Quills” : “If I wasn’t such a bad woman on the page, I couldn’t be such a good woman in life.” That’s my argument against film censorship. Film provides us with a way of vicariously experiencing what it would be wrong to do in real life, and, as a result we are better able to control our behaviour.
I recently watched Bertrand Blier’s controversial “Beau Pere” in which a fourteen year old girl seduces her stepfather after her mother’s death. The relationship is so wrong, but the girl is so sweet and attractive that I ended up wanting to see them go all the way (not on-screen mind you), but perhaps having watched that I’ll be better prepared to say no to any teenagers who might try to seduce me.
Posted by David Munn on March 28th, 2009Whoa whoa guys – I like to read this site while dialing the phone at work; this tone is all wrong.
Can we never have “ejaculate on a close up of an asshole” on this site again?
seriously, if I wanted discussions about porn I would surf the other 90% of the internet
Posted by Phil on March 28th, 2009Yeah guys, you should’ve checked with Phil first. It’s not enough to put up a NSFW warning. You have to custom tailor your posts for King of the Universe over here.
Rather than Phil taking responsiblity for clicking on a link called “Gag Inducing Sex Scenes” while he’s at work a much better solution is for you guys to follow his work places code of propriety.
Posted by Rusty James on March 28th, 2009@ Rusty James – Comment 37.
That was fucking funny.
Posted by Greg on March 29th, 2009Umm…have you not seen Cannibal Holocaust?
Posted by pablo on March 29th, 2009Uhh…did you bother to read the comments before posting yours?
Posted by Wintle on March 29th, 2009That scene in Requiem for a Dream ensured that I would never look at Keith David the same way again. I hope there’s nothing like that in Chain Letter.
Posted by Kate on April 6th, 2009Aww man, Still chuckling away at comment 37.
Posted by Pete on April 8th, 2009No mention of Kids?
Posted by Dave on April 9th, 2009I just saw irreversible a couple days ago. Shit.
Oh, and right before bed. Fuck.
that rape scene is *awful*, but I think it’s just made exponentially worse that right afterwards he mercilessly beats her. Awful.
Also, that ending fucked deeply with my head. I nearly broke the record for staring at my ceiling filled with hopelessness.
Posted by Richard on April 14th, 2009How did the sex scene between ‘Neo’ and ‘Trinity’ in Matrix two not make the list? It meets the completely unnecessary to the movie clause proposed earlier, and you couldn’t tell who was the man or who was the woman. Completely androgynous. GAG. (And you can’t make the argument that that’s homophobic – neither looked feminine or masculine – just neuter. So the GAG factor comes from genderless, neuter sex. Just wrong and unnecessary.)
Of course, the reason you might not have included this is the sheer crappiness of Matrix 2 overall as a film. Not being particularly up on films, I’m guessing that the rest of your movies have the quality of being otherwise good/ and or important films? Otherwise I respectfully suggest this addition.
Good list overall!
Posted by Jason Bourne on April 15th, 2009Thanks for the suggestion Jason Bourne of the Bourne series of books and films.
“Not being particularly up on films, I’m guessing that the rest of your movies have the quality of being otherwise good/ and or important films? Otherwise I respectfully suggest this addition.”
Yes, I would say Nail Gun Massacre is both a good and important film.
Posted by Jay C. on April 15th, 2009Roger Moore and Grace Jones in “A View to a Kill” was the first time I can say that I was truly disgusted by a love scene.
Posted by Skot on April 15th, 2009Fun list to read, but I LOVE Shortbus. I thumb my nose at thee.
Posted by Andrew on April 26th, 2009@ Rusty James: “I’ve watched A History of Violence several times. It’s shit.
Yep agree wholeheartedly. I watched it expecting a masterpiece. Man was I in for a surprise
Posted by luke on April 27th, 2009what about sandra bullock? watching her is like watching “Dead Alive” minus the Peter Jackson zombie whimsy. seriously, when is she going to kiss a lawnmower?
Posted by christ on April 29th, 2009Nekromantik. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093608/
Posted by D. on June 3rd, 2009Good discussion and list. I’m surprised nobody mentioned any of the slew of pretty twisted scenes from a pretty nasty little film called “Crash”. No, not the one that won the Oscar few years ago (tho that had some cringeworthy scenes for other reasons!) but the traffic accident loving James Spader flick. Noteworthy for Rosanna Arquette mutalation sex scenes(and plenty more sickening couplings). Was ashamed at my occasional boner during viewing!
Posted by Eric J on June 4th, 2009Ok list but you do let yourself down with the shortbus comment – a great film.
Posted by devo on June 9th, 2009Nothing, NOTHING I say, either in the list or the comments below is as awkward, uncomfortable and gag inducing as Joe Pesci making out with Sharon Stone in Casino. Jesus, people.
Posted by trks on June 20th, 2009Thank you,thank you, … and thanks again for the Top 10 Gags and all the comments following that listed a library of flicks I’ve now downloaded or found at Amazon … I’ve got lots of new guilty pleasure time in front of the TV.
Posted by PaLibre on July 5th, 2009David Cronenberg’s “Crash” (1996)… James Spader fucking Rosanna Arquette’s leg scar.
How can that NOT be on this list, fellas
Posted by James Eric Laczkowski on August 2nd, 2009Hahaha! Wow. This is some list.
I would like to submit the narrowly-averted woman-duck action in “Howard the Duck” (1986) as a runner-up. It wasn’t nearly as disturbing as most of what is listed here, but Leah Thompson almost getting down with a midget in a duck suit deserves a place on any list of incredibly awkward sex scenes.
(Love that movie, by the way — SO bizarre!)
Posted by JH on August 2nd, 2009Worst sex scenes ever occur in the film Anatomy of Hell. A movie about sex with these two gems..
Woman takes her blood soaked tampon out in front of her gay friend and puts it in a glass of water and then…yep..drinks it.
Same gay friend goes to her shed gets a folding garden tool and slides the wooden handle into her vagina while she’s sleeping and leaves it there…she wakes up to see a tool sticking out of her with a nonchalant expression.
Posted by Jason on August 10th, 2009Oh!I Love It.
Posted by cereal on August 30th, 2009Best Classic Movies.
I know its yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaars to late for an addition, but Demolition Man. Just for Sylvester Stallones sex grunts.
Posted by Dobhar Chu on November 2nd, 2009Leave a Reply