Filmmakers always talk about how awkward it is filming sex scenes. Well guess what? Sometimes it’s EQUALLY as awkward watching them! When they’re done well, they can be hot, but when placed in the wrong hands, a sex scene can be the worst viewing experience ever. I submit to you that the following 10 films contain some of the most gag inducing sex scenes ever caught on film (excluding pornography of course). Many of the films on this list are included for different reasons; some are brutal, some are awkward, and some are just plain gross. Get ready to have your mind AND your genitals blown! These are my picks for the 10 most gag inducing sex scenes. (CAUTION: Some of the following images may be considered NSFW.)
I’ll admit it, this might be a bit of a stretch. However, I’m sure that any fan of Star Trek 6 will know exactly which scene I’m referring to here. Two words: mind meld. For the uninitiated; Spock uses his infamous mind meld technique to pry some information out of Lieutenant Valeris, a Vulcan officer who’s suspected of having some involvement in a plot to assassinate the Klingon Chancellor Gorkon. An important note: Valeris is played by none other than Kim Cattrall of Sex and the City fame! (Or for those of us who aren’t lame, Gracie Law from Big Trouble in Little China.) Although the mind meld isn’t necessarily intended as a sexual act, the actors are certainly playing it up as one. A series of disgusting moans and whimpers leave the rest of the Enterprise crew (this is all happening on the bridge in front of EVERYONE) shifting uncomfortably as they avoid eye contact and think to themselves ‘Did they justâ€¦.no. Did they?’. So essentially, Spock rapes the information out of her. GAG.
Todd Solondz and the term ‘gag inducing’ probably go hand-in-hand for some people. Personally, I think he’s a genius and remains one of the few filmmakers to truly capture disgusting characters on film without it feeling completely false and written. Although Storytelling isn’t one of my favourite films of his, I wanted to include it on this list because of a certain scene that while not quite ‘gag inducing’, certainly hit a note with the ratings board. If you’ve scene the film, you probably know that I’m referring to the sexual encounter between Selma Blair’s character and the College professor she looks up to. The scene is extremely awkward, very rough, and plays out in one wide master. In order to avoid an NC-17 rating, Solondz decided to appease the MPAA by slapping a giant orange box on top of both characters, leaving the audience filling in the blanks with a little help from the grunting and expletives. According to Solondz, it was a political statement: “I was prepared to make that political statement. This is something I’ve always been prepared to do, as long as the audience is aware of what it’s not allowed to see. That’s how I feel “politically” about that.” Apparently the box originally contained the word ‘Censored’, but the MPAA ruled against it claiming that they don’t consider themselves censors. Definitely a powerful scene either way you view it and a ballsy statement on censorship by Solondz.
This scene did for masturbation worthy sex scenes starring hot A-list actresses what Honey I Shrunk the Kids did for taking the love and respect of your family and friends for granted. On the one hand, you’ve got sultry, sweaty close ups of the wonderful Jennifer Connely. On the other hand, you’ve got a giant double ended dildo intercut with close ups of a sweaty, and definitely not sultry, Ellen Burstyn receiving shock treatment on her face. It’s not really the sex that makes this scene gag inducing; it’s the editing. Match cuts of Jennifer going ass to ass with a prostitute and Marlon Wayans thrusting a giant paddle in and out of a massive tub of something resembling mashed potatoes is enough to trigger reflexive gagging or possibly uncontrollable seizures. (NOTE: Keith David is particularly creepy in this scene, second only to the giant dildo.) GAG.
There are two gag worthy moments in the sex scene (more like love scene. GAG.) in Jim Wynorsky’s ‘The Return of the Swamp Thing’. First off, when Heather Locklear finally decides to fuck a living plant man, there’s some initial hesitation on his part. He doesn’t want to disappoint. But she pushes, and he gives in and proceeds to break off a piece of his plant body and feed it to her. Pretty gross right? That’s not even the worst part. After she eats it, the camera tilts up and we enter a dream sequence — complete with vaseline on the lens — in which Locklear makes out with some muscular, second-rate Joe Montana looking goofball. The lack of plant sex is actually a little disappointing. After all, Jim Wynorsky has since gone on to direct such soft-core porn classics as ‘The Breastford Wives’, ‘House on Hooter Hill’ and ‘Bone Eater’; on all of which he’s credited as H.R. Blueberry. Nice!
As far as uncomfortable, brutal rape scenes are concerned, Irreversible may hold the honour of being one of the worst. The long take, the public place, and the CG penis; all of it adds up to a visceral experience that provides the appropriate setting for the extreme violence that, in the case of the film’s backwards storytelling, came before it. Having said that, if beating someone with a fire extinguisher could be considered even remotely sexual, it would’ve been another great reason to include this film on this list. GAG.
The notorious climax of Vincent Gallo’s critically maligned The Brown Bunny isâ€¦gross. I actually didn’t mind the film as a whole. It’s long, self-indulgent and pretentious, but the photography is nice and the pacing reminds me of Two-Lane Blacktop. The shitty thing is, I really don’t want to see Gallo get blown. I think Chloe Sevigny is great, but again, I don’t want to watch her blow Vincent Gallo. I’m not sure if this is the expected response to the scene. Like John Cameron Mitchell’s Shortbus (a movie I disliked so much that I don’t even want to give it the pleasure of being on this list because I feel like it would be honoured) graphic sexuality will always run the risk of stealing a story’s thunder, turning a film into a cheap thrill. Just think how many people skipped the 10 minute scene of Gallo riding his bike on a salt bed to get to the sex scene? I know Roger Ebert did. GAG.
The only thing that could’ve made The Spice Girls ‘Girl Power’ campaign all the more powerful is if the group had been previously raped, and slowly murdered their attackers in a bloody fit of revenge. In this respect, I Spit on Your Grave has the Spice Girls beat. I think the most shocking element of this film is its pacing. Seriously. Two scenes come to mind: after having been attacked, the main character Jennifer Hills slowly does the walk of shame through the woods back to her house. Literally. We pretty much see the entire walk. In another scene, she circles one of her attackers in a speedboatâ€¦for a very long time. Eventually she hits him with an axe, which begs the question; why not cut down the circling and spend more time showing her hit the guy with the axe?? DUH! I won’t say these scenes don’t work though. For some reason the pacing adds to the brutal realism. One of the more memorable scenes of the film that secured a spot on this list finds Jennifer convincing one of her attackers to join her for a sensual bathing session. Little does he know, a giant f-ing knife is within her reach and just when he’s starting to feel good, she cuts his dick off. Seriously. Buzzkill and GAG.
Of all of the ridiculous shit that goes on in Nail Gun Massacre, there’s one thing that’s just too real for its own good; the sex scene. More specifically, the sex scene where the hairy dude pummels the chick against a tree in the middle of the woods. It’s hard to pinpoint what exactly makes this scene gag inducing, but it may have something to do with the caliber of performers involved. The cast is made up of non-actors who are either friends of the directors, or F-listers looking for their big break. In this case, the guy with his pants around his ankles apparently ended up being served divorce papers for what director Terry Lofton says ‘is as close as you can get’ to actual on screen sex. Afterall, he should know. He was the lucky guy who got to lay underneath these people holding a tube and a syringe, awkwardly waiting to pump blood through a discreetly hidden tube as their genitals rub against each other right in his face. GAG.
Transvestite (playing mother) + dirty hippy (playing son) + blow job x incest = GAG.
In Liam Neeson’s latest film ‘Taken’, his character sets out on a mission to save his daughter who has been kidnapped and forced in to sex slavery. The bad guys keep the girls in control by getting them hooked on drugs, and Neeson uses his CIA training to track down the culprits and punch them in their faces with books. Minus a few minor differences, this is the exact plot of Bo Arne Vibenius’ Swedish revenge picture ‘Thriller’; otherwise known as ‘They Call Her One Eye’. The minor differences? Replace Neeson’s professionally trained CIA agent with a revenge thirsty, eye patch wearing female victim (her eye was cut out as punishment by her pimp), taking it upon herself to learn the fine art of killing on her own time and her own dime. Nothing beats a shotgun blast to the chest in EXTREEEEMMMMEEEE slow motion. As for the gag inducing sex? Eight words; Close up of male ejaculate on an ass hole. Sorry, nine words. Is asshole one word? Eight words. Either way, you won’t find that in a Liam Neeson film. GAG.