The Top 10 Biggest Movie Douchebags
THE TOP 10 BIGGEST MOVIE DOUCHEBAGS
10. Caledon Hockley from Titanic
A douchebag is bad enough on his own, but give a douchebag money, an undeserved sense of entitlement and his own personal butler and you’ve got some serious trouble on your hands. Enter Caledon “Cal” Hockley (played by the perpetually type-cast Billy Zane). Here’s a guy who shits on the lower classes, throws around cash like he’s fucking Suge Knight and spends most of the film trying to sleaze his way into Kate Winslet’s corset. If that wasn’t bad enough the guy blackmails the retarded kid from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, indiscriminately opens fire with a handgun inside the ship and then kidnaps a little girl to secure his place on board a lifeboat. Yup, douchebag, thy name is Caledon Hockley.
9. Steve Stifler from American Pie
Whether he’s verbally berating his friends, snapping towels in the locker room, or trying to taking advantage of drunken high school chicks, there’s little doubt that Steve Stifler is the ultimate douche de jour. Played by the quasi-douche-like Seann William Scott, Stifler is the embodiment of the typical American teenaged prick: a shallow, Abercrombie & Fitch-clad weasel spawned from the unholy loins of a suburban MILF.
8. Carter Burke from Aliens
It seems that even in the distant future the corporate douchebag remains a staple or everyday life. Nowhere is this more evident than Carter Burke, an executive for the ruthless Halliburton-style Weyland-Yutani Corporation. Played by former Mad About You star Paul Reiser, Burke is the ferret-faced embodiment of capitalist greed, manipulating and sacrificing the lives of an entire colony of humans in his attempt to find the perfect biological weapon (Dick Cheney eat your heart out). Yes, there’s a special place in hell reserved solely for crappy 90s sitcom stars and douches who let aliens face-fuck innocent people.
7. Frank T.J. Mackey from Magnolia
“Worship the cock. Tame the cunt.” Such is the mantra of pony-tailed douche Frank T.J. Mackey, an “inspirational speaker” who runs a men’s seminar on the finer points of picking up chicks for fun and profit. Played by Tom Cruise (no stranger himself to the world of douchebaggery), Mackey is a grade-A misogynistic scumbag. But like all douches Mackey does have his weakness, in this case nearly breaking down into tears when a reporter brings to light his painful childhood. Ugggg….if there’s one thing worse than a douchebag, it’s a sissy douchebag.
6. Chet Donnelly from Weird Science
Older brothers, by their very nature, are almost invariably monumental douchebags, employing a steady retinue of wedgies, name-calling and wet-willies in order to terrorize their helpless younger siblings. And while plenty of obnoxious older brothers have graced the big screen over the years few have achieved the same level as Chet Donnelly. Played to perfection by Bill Paxton, Chet’s two great loves in life are heavy weaponry and employing an Abu Ghraib style of sibling humiliation. Of course, one of the victims of Chet’s wrath — a young and notably nerdy Anthony Michael Hall — is himself transformed into the resident town fuckwad in Edward Scissorhands, proving that when it comes to movies, the circle of douchebaggery never really ends.
5. Ernie McCracken from Kingpin
With his ability to simultaneously bowl, pick up chicks and unleash a slew of passive aggressive insults, there are few douches who can top Ernie “Big Ern” McCracken. Whether he’s pouring sugar in the gas tank of a rival, showboating for a crowd or shamelessly promoting himself on national television, Big Ern’s morals are as loose and sloppy as his toupee. Throw in a penchant for nailing anything with a pulse and a mini-skirt and you have Ernie McCracken, a douchebag who gives new meaning to the term gutterballs.
4. Simon from True Lies
Yes, Bill Paxton makes the movie douchebag list for a second time in his portrayal of the sleaze-bag used car salesman turned low-life pussyhound known only as Simon. Primarily known for posing as an undercover CIA operative in order to worm his way into the panties of gullible women, Simon’s libido is matched only by his ability to hawk overpriced convertibles. The end result is a character so unbelievably douchey, he makes Kevin Federline look like James Bond.
3. Walter Peck from Ghostbusters
Peck. His name alone is whispered in reverence atop the sacred heights of Douchelympus. Played by William Atherton (an actor who has made a career out of playing assholes) Walter Peck is a morally repugnant New York City health official who has his head so far up his ass that he inadvertently unleashes a horde of ghosts onto New York City. Self-righteous, smug and unbelievably overbearing there are few characters who can top Peck in terms of sheer dogged douchebaggedness, earning him a top spot as an ectoplasmic prick who can turn even the stomachs of the undead.
2. Shannon Hamilton from Mallrats
With a shitty attitude, a pretty boy mug and a propensity for combining backdoor sex with New Kids on the Block lyrics, there are few douches that can touch Shannon Hamilton. Played by Ben Affleck — no stranger to douchebaggery himself during his J-Lo phase — Shannon has the lofty position of being a manager of an upscale men’s clothing boutique in a Jersey outlet mall. Arrogant, smarmy and trying desperately to force overpriced slacks on people, Shannon is a classic big screen tit, the kind of douche who’d stoop to almost any level to try and screw your girlfriend in an uncomfortable place — and no, we ain’t talking about the back of a Volkswagen.
1. Biff Tannen from Back to the Future
Who says the 50s were a happier, more innocent time? Biff Tannen proves that even in an era of malt shops and poodle skirts, the douchebag was alive and well. Played by Thomas Wilson (who reprised the role in all three films), Biff is a classic prick, bullying, abusing and — in the case of Lea Thompson -– groping his way through life. The end result is one of cinema’s all-time assholes; a character so obnoxiously douche-like you’ll wish you could go back in time and drive a DeLorean straight up his ass.
What do you think? Are there any other legendary douchebag characters that should have made the list?
Comments (72)
This has potential for a high digging.
Posted by Goon on September 16th, 2008I’m on it…
Posted by Sean on September 16th, 2008haha very good read, i’m surprised no vin diesel character made the list
Posted by fizzle on September 16th, 2008Great list. I think I would’ve put Tom Cruise up a little higher. His character represents the American über-douche both literally and metaphorically.
Top 5 Television douches:
5)Endless Mike from Pete & Pete
Posted by Joel on September 16th, 20084)Brad (Zachary Ty Bryant) from Home Improvement
3)Frank Nicotero from Street Smarts (hopefully you never got this show in Canada)
2)Bobby Briggs from Twin Peaks
1)Joey Greco from Cheaters
what about the fonz?
Posted by fizzle on September 16th, 2008There should be a documentary edition that includes Troy Duffy (Overnight) and Lars Ulrich (Some Kind of Monster)
Posted by Goon on September 16th, 2008Nice Adam, for mentioning Walter Peck. I think everything I’ve seen him in from Ghostbusters, Die Hard, to Buried Alive, I’ve always hated him, but that’s what makes him a damn good actor. He would probably be my #1
Posted by Primal on September 16th, 2008err I meant William Atherton
Posted by Primal on September 16th, 2008Sean, when you get posts like this, I wonder if you should keep it at the top of the blog for a while even as new posts come in, but maybe shorten the space before the ‘read more’ link.
Posted by Goon on September 16th, 2008Good list. Maybe Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) in Gladiator. He was such a prick in that movie, I actually hated him in real life until Signs came out.
Posted by Deven Science on September 16th, 2008I think Film Junk just became the anti-Cahiers du cinema. I’m just surprised Jay didn’t write this Top 10 List first.
Posted by Reed Farrington on September 16th, 2008Awesome list and I’d also like to add William Zabka from the Karate Kid movies and a few other movies in the 80s. He epitomized douchbaggery in the 80s.
Posted by Serene on September 16th, 2008Bill Paxton was another douche in Aliens as well. He does douche well.
Posted by swarez on September 16th, 2008Oh and Cary Elwes is also a master of the douche, as Jerry in Liar Liar, Edgar in Ella Enchanted (great film by the way) and Arthur Holmwood in Dracula.
Posted by swarez on September 16th, 2008Really good list! Great choice with Paul Reiser, Bill Paxton and Thomas Wilson! Those three are dead on!
Posted by entertainmenttodayandbeyond on September 16th, 2008I actually like Bobby Briggs from Twin Peaks. Leo would be a better candidate.
Posted by Rusty James on September 16th, 2008That insane creepy dude (Not Johnny) from NAKED, played by Greg Cruttwell. Capital D Douchebag.
Posted by kurt on September 16th, 2008Rusty — Yeah, you’re right, Leo would’ve been a better pick. I wrote that real quick. But I do think Bobby Briggs was kind of a d-bag in that show.
Posted by Joel on September 16th, 2008Goon, good idea for a non-fiction version of this list. I think I’ll put one together.
Posted by Jay C. on September 16th, 2008I have to add Gerry Bamman, who we all remember as Uncle Frank from Home Alone. Come on– “Look what you did, you little jerk.” THAT is a douchebag.
Posted by Jon Rocks on September 16th, 2008GREAT choice Jon Rocks.
Posted by Jay C. on September 16th, 2008Jay just loves his Home Alone.
Would Deuce Bigalow be considered a douche bag? (In fact, I think Rob Schneider plays a douche bag in every movie he’s been in.)
(I bemoan the fact that anyone who searches for douchebag on the Internet will find his way to Film Junk.)
(BTW, douchebag as one word isn’t defined on dictionary.com.)
Posted by Reed Farrington on September 17th, 2008Buzz from home alone was a pretty big douche himself
Posted by Drew on September 17th, 2008I don’t mean to be nitpicky, but I’m pretty sure it was “Respect the cock and tame the cunt,” from Magnolia. Good list, though, anyway.
Posted by Alex on September 17th, 2008Billy Mitchell, King of Kong
Posted by Goon on September 17th, 2008whoever Aaron Eckhard plays in In The Company of Men
Nicolas Cage in the Wicker Man
HAHA Nicolas Cage in the Wicker Man. That douchebag stole my bike!
Posted by Henrik on September 17th, 2008Biggest douche has to be Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite.
What an ass.
Posted by Itchy-Finger on September 17th, 2008How about Blake (Alec Baldwin) from Glengarry Glen Ross? Or is that character too powerful to be a real douche?
Posted by Bas on September 17th, 2008A kids-friendly douchebag would be Professor Gilderoy Lockhart (Kenneth Branagh) from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
Posted by Bas on September 17th, 2008Great list. Biff for the win!
Actually, and I have thought about writing more extensively about this…biff isnt just a douche…BTTF is a family scifi comedy which disguises the truth pretty well because of its surface based innocence…but if you REALLY think about it….
Biff Tannen is not only a douche, an asshole, and a murder…but most likely a Rapist. There is no proof what he would have done had george not stopped him, but I think a legitimate case, using past transgressions and family mental history (and future) that he would have easily and without much remorse raped the everloving shit out of lorraine.
With that in mind, biff really is truly one of the most socially sadistic, evil villians ever.
douche. check.
Posted by Bob the Slob on September 17th, 2008asshole. check.
murderer. check.
rapist. check.
“he would have easily and without much remorse raped the everloving shit out of lorraine.”
Good god, funniest forum quote of the year.
Posted by Itchy-Finger on September 17th, 2008I spit up granola bar after reading this.
glad to make you spit up breakfast itchyfinger. Always nice to entertain.
Posted by Bob the Slob on September 17th, 2008If you are making a list for documentaries, then the crazy mo-fo step-dad in the Paradise Lost series of docs better be somewhere near the top.
Posted by kurt on September 17th, 2008Here’s a queston. Who the hell is Adam and when did he start posting on Filmjunk?
When did this happen? Where have I been?
Posted by Greg on September 18th, 2008Adam is a friend of a friend who’s been writing stuff for us for a few weeks now. He’s doing the Screenplay Junkie column along with some killer Top 10 lists. I’ll be adding him to the Staff section shortly.
Posted by Sean on September 18th, 2008A few weeks? Really? Wow.
Posted by Greg on September 18th, 2008excellent list.
Posted by Paul on September 18th, 2008Stifler a douche? No way! There is couple that should really be on that list, but I cannot think of them this minute. :S
Posted by Baychuk on September 19th, 2008Sack (Bradley Cooper), John’s (Owen Wilson) nemesis, from Wedding Crashers. That guy was the quinessential bullying douchebag.
Posted by Mike M. on September 20th, 2008For me, I’d say Burke from Aliens is one of the bigger movie douche bags.
Posted by Jay C. on September 22nd, 2008Bill Paxton as Jerry in Predator 2
How could I forget such a massive douchebag.
Posted by Goon on September 22nd, 2008Principal Ed Rooney from Ferris Bueller’s day off.
What a douchebag.
Posted by bigjig on September 22nd, 2008Number 1 should have been Aaron Eckhart’s character from In the Company of Men. And don’t forget Campbell Scott’s character from Roger Dodger. Misogynists and guidos make the best douchebags!
Posted by Patrick on September 23rd, 2008Leo Fitzptrick from the movie “Kids” played the biggest douche the world has ever seen.
Way worse than Biff Tannen.
Posted by glocktwentyseven on September 24th, 2008Leo Fitzpatrick from the movie “Kids” played the biggest douche the world has ever seen.
Way worse than Biff Tannen.
Posted by glocktwentyseven on September 24th, 2008WhatWhatWhat
Posted by Delirious on September 29th, 2008Vernon from the Breakfast Club?
Where?
Freaking spike.com stole your idea Adam. They got a top 10 movie douchebag list on the front page of Digg.
Posted by Primal on November 12th, 2008Classic. I hate Digg.
Posted by Sean on November 12th, 2008What about “Worm” from Rounders? The guy was a total doucheaholic. Soon as he gets out of jail he selfishly drags his buddy back into gambling (for which he loses hottie girlfriend Gretchen Moll), puts him in debt with the Russian mafia (for which he nearly gets killed), and then almost gets his bud pummeled by lamely cheating at the poker table with some Upstate NY cops. When it comes to playing pricks (The Italian Job, American History X, Primal Fear, etc.) Eddie Norton doubles down on douchedom by portraying the possesed Dr. Douchenstein named Worm.
Posted by Paul on December 2nd, 2008How about “Ellis” from Die Hard. Anyone that says “bubby” deserves a spot on this
Posted by Dan on December 23rd, 2008Shooter McGavin!
Posted by Eli on January 1st, 2009Great list! What about Ellis from Die Hard? One of the biggest D-Bags ever to grace the Silver Screen.
Like John McClain would ever be friends with a p*ssy like that! c’mon! He also used the word boobie…what a dick!
Posted by Tom on February 11th, 2009Shooter McGavin has definitely got to be in there. Christopher McDonald (Shooter) is the archetypal douche in most films.
What about James Woods in Casino? Total douche.
Posted by Rory on February 28th, 2009How about Greg Weinstein (played by Nicky Katt) from Boiler Room.
Posted by bill on March 1st, 2009paul gleason as principal richard”dick”vernon in breakfast club or as deputy chief dwayne t. robinson in die hard!! william atherton as richard thornburg also in die hard!! both are just as bad as the weasle “ellis”!!
Posted by irshbeast on March 3rd, 2009Don’t forget William Atherton in Real Genius!!! He should get a douchebag lifetime achievement award for sure.
Posted by HenryS on March 7th, 2009Every TOM CRUISE character. Not much of a stretch for him.
Posted by Matt on March 30th, 2009How can you forget Vince Vaughn from “Made”?
Posted by Mr.Kwest on April 6th, 2009what about principal rooney from f?erris buelers day off”?
Posted by derek on May 9th, 2009Glenn Gulia from The Wedding Singer played by Matthew Glave
Stephen Chase from Far and Away played by Thomas Gibson (similar actually to Cal above)
Great choices though and Biff is definitely the penultimate douche, 3 generations strong and counting.
Posted by MugattuHasGotchu on May 24th, 2009How dare you call Big Ern a douche. In case you didn’t hear, he’s above the law. I’m actually surprised that more people don’t talk about McCracken when discussing their favorite (comedic) Bill Murray characters.
Posted by Neil M on May 30th, 2009Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore and Dean Pritchard from Old School has got to be on the list in my opinion.
I’m trying to put together my own top 10 douche list. A lot of good comments here, would appreciate some input. http://livetorock.com/156/?p=105
Posted by whatadouche on June 5th, 20091. Biff (Back To The Future)
2. Sack (Wedding Crashers)
3. Peck (Ghostbusters 1&2)
4. Burke (Aliens)
5. Dean Pritchard (Old School)
6. Ellis (Die Hard)
7. Richard (Van Wilder)
8. Telly (Kids)
9. Shooter McGavin (Happy Gilmore)
10. Caledon Hockley (Titanic)
Here’s my list, there are a couple that may be debateable, but most of them are staples in this category. Stifler belongs nowhere near this list, if for nothing more than the fact that he’s a likable character, and this is douchebags. No one likes the douchebag, and I feel like all of these characters live up to that name in that as soon as you see them on screen, you’re first conscious thought is ‘wow, what a fucking douchebag.’
As much as I felt obliged to have at least one Ben Affleck character on this list, I didn’t, simply because it’s too easy. I mean, can you name one role in which he doesn’t come off as a douchebag?
Honorable Mention: Derek Huff (Stepbrothers), Eric Gordon (Billy Madison), Jerry (Liar Liar), Tony Perkis (Heavyweights), the ‘extreme’ gang leader (Harold and Kumar go to White Castle), Rand McPherson (PCU)
I may have missed one or two overall, but these are all definitely up there.
Posted by Chris on July 4th, 2009First, to further validate my list by explaining why Tom Cruise didn’t make an appearance, just refer to the Affleck section of my previous post. The same goes double for Cruise.
The real reason for this second post is just to add a little bit of insight to my list. To me, there are a some important and necessary qualities of a douchebag.
-One, self-preservation. When all chips are in, the only one who matters is me, so to speak.
-Two, lack of remorse. Douchebags don’t care. Unless it’s about themself. (the reason why stifler isn’t on this list is that as much of an asshole as he may be, he has some sort of capacity to care, for example in American Wedding when he saves the wedding, which disqualifies him as a douchebag.)
-Three, there is no reasoning with a douchebag. They get their way, period. If they don’t get their way, they find a way to fuck everyone over. (For a deeper understanding of this requirement in particular, see Carter Burke in Aliens)
-Four, the right way is always wrong. Whether it comes to playing by the rules, doing something for the greater good, or just plain being civil, douchebags would let the world come to an end before doing what someone else tells them to do.
-Last, a douchebag has to be self-centered. Everything in the world revolves around them, and no one understands that better than they do, though they have no problem letting you know.
If you have anything to add to any of this, please do, this is simply what went into my list, and why.
Posted by Chris on July 4th, 2009Sack (Old School) is an alpha male a-hole, not a douche.
Biff (Back to the Future) also not really a douche.
Telly (Kids) is cool. DEFINITELY not a douche.
Good call on Shooter (Happy Gilmore)
Posted by Shut-Up Ed on July 4th, 2009Good call on Ellis (Die Hard)
This being the internet – before I am flamed to death
- I suppose I’m obligated to state that, “no I don’t think it was ‘cool’ when Telly essentially raped that chick at the end.”
However, at least in my mind, there can be no doubt that Telly was intended to be perceived as a “cool” kid. It’s part of what makes the end of the film so troubling.
Posted by Shut-Up Ed on July 4th, 2009I think some of you are confusing sleazeballs with douchebags, there’s a difference. Whereas Uncle Rico was a sleazeball, he’s definitely not a douche. Douchebags are rich, predominantly white, self-entitled assholes with convertibles and hot women that go out with them for the sole purpose of their status. They’ve got everything, and they look down on others who are less fortunated, regardless of how they’ve attained what they’ve got (mostly inheritance).
Posted by Dustin WhatyoutalkinboutWILLIS Shingoose on July 9th, 2009definately a good list, with the B2tF bully topping out…I dont know too many on the list but I do know that B2tF bully deserved number 1.
Posted by Sean Butler on July 13th, 2009any douchebag list without Dabney Coleman is not complete
Posted by Chris on July 21st, 2009mike damone from fast times at ridgemont high, draco malfoy in harry potter, buddy kane in american beauty.
Posted by Kase on August 2nd, 2009Rob Lowe plays an excellent douche….notably in Wayne’s World and Tommy Boy
Posted by Melissa on August 27th, 2009What about more ben affleck!!!!! O’bannion dazed and confuzed. such a dooshbaggg
Posted by Bigbabyjesus on August 29th, 2009Leave a Reply