21
Directed by: Robert Luketic
Written by: Peter Steinfeld and Allan Loeb (screenplay), Ben Mezrich (book)
Starring: Jim Sturgess, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, Laurence Fishburne, Aaron Yoo, Liza Lapira

Holy shit, check this out; two reviews in one week! So, what started out as my friend Dayna coming to my volleyball game Friday night eventually turned into the two of us having dinner afterward with Elaine and Dayna’s twin sister Ellyn and then going to see the movie 21. Did you hear that? That was the collective sound of everyone reading this saying, “Why the fuck would you see that?”

You are all right. I should have listened.

So, 21 is based on a book called Bringing Down the House by Ben Mezrich. It’s not the inspiration for Queen Latifah’s film atrocity Bringing Down the House. Anyway, I’ve heard the book was a best seller. I don’t know how loosely based it was but the movie is about a bunch of arrogant, know-it-all MIT math geeks and their jag-off professor who come up with a system to beat a casino in blackjack.

Are you excited yet? Unfortunately, the movie wasn’t the exciting part of the evening.

So, I’m chilling with the twins cause we can’t get a hold of Elaine so we eat at Boston Pizza and as the waitress is cleaning our plates, a fork covered in sour cream drops, bounces of the table and right into Dayna’s purse. She shoots, she scores!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing. I dump the twins at the theatre, so I can go pick up Elaine. As I’m waiting in the driveway, she phones me from her 10th floor apartment and says I should move the truck because the fire alarm just went off. 8 fire trucks later, the apartment is evacuated and Elaine, her husband and their very angry cat are huddled in their car while the fire fighters figure out where all of the smoke is coming from. So, Elaine has to bail on the film. Even though there was a slight risk of all of her possessions being burned and destroyed…I still think she made off better in the end. Turns out some douchebag blew up an appliance on the fifth floor.

So, it’s the Jeffrey twins and I. For some reason, I feel like a big shot typing that sentence. At first we didn’t know whether to go see the film without Elaine cause we felt like assholes…but really, what could we have done? I am not a fire fighter and I would just be in the way.

Okay. 21 time. I figured at best I might get a good acting performance out of Kevin Spacey or Laurence Fishburne. What I got was a flashy, colossal mess full of pretentious characters, a lame 14 second sex scene without even a side boob shot, a ridiculous subplot that introduces “danger” to the kids, and the most predictable storyline ever. You knew exactly what was going to happen the entire time and that was only made worse by the constant voice-overs by the lead character. It’s a dumbass movie about blackjack. I can follow along without being guided through it. Stevie Wonder could follow it.

Kevin Spacey continues his downward spiral of bad performances. Seriously, what happened to that guy? The Usual Suspects, Seven, American Beauty… good performances all of them… now we get junk. It’s like he doesn’t even try anymore. He’s delivering Bill Pullman-quality performances now. Laurence Fishburne really didn’t have much to do and don’t get me started on Kate Bosworth. I’d like to punch that girl in the larynx. Together, she and Kevin Spacey ruined gambling and Superman for me.

If you were expecting a Vegas movie like The Cooler, which was badass, you’re not going to get it. This movie was directed by the same guy that directed Win A Date With Tad Hamilton.

And it shows.

What happened in Vegas really should have stayed in Vegas.

This movie was Shitasaurus Rex. — Greg

SCORE:

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