It’s just after 2am at the internet cafe and there’s a new guy working and he no longer has it on EZ Rock. Justin Timberlake is on the radio. He wants to rock your body, please stay.

Yesterday, from 11am until 5pm I walked around the city of Toronto and sat through two movies with my fly down. I am positive that this has happened here at TIFF in a previous year. There was a sense of deja vu as I stood at the urinal and realized how much of a douchebag I was. Hope you enjoyed the show Toronto, the next one will cost you. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip the veal and try the waitress.

Another busy day at TIFF. First up on the schedule is the new Ryan Gosling film, Lars and the Real Girl. Ryan’s a good Canadian kid and has done quite well for himself. The Believer, the Notebook, Half Nelson…the kid can act. I can’t wait until Breaker High: The Motion Picture. What will Sean and Jimmy do next? It was high school on a boat! How amazing is that? This film is at the great Scotiabank Theatre. I say great because one of my favourite things about Toronto is at this theatre. They have this 19+ lounge that has the most amazing chairs. Every year I tell you about these chairs because I don’t want you to forget. Comfort at it’s best. I get into the theatre and I grab an aisle seat and no one is beside me until just as the lights go out. So, Johnny Halitosis sits beside me and he brought his best bud, Stinkford Fecesbreath. Son of a bee sting, it was horrible. Then just because the world is awesome to me a guy with an infant sits across the aisle from me. An infant at a film festival. WTF? Guess what started crying 20 minutes into the movie? Nope…not me. The infant. Grrr. Argh. Anyway…back to the movie. Gosling plays Lars, a sweet, socially awkward, small town person who lives in the garage next to his brothers house. Everyone loves Lars and are continually trying to get him out of his garage to meet new people and possibly find a girl. Lars, however, has a thing about being touched by other people and discovers he can find everything he needs from a Real Doll. If you don’t know what that is…well it’s a life sized anatomically correct and very lifelike doll.

Sure, the townspeople think it’s weird, but everyone cares about Lars so much that they all go out of their way to make everything seem normal. This film had some hysterically funny moments, but it was more of a love story than a comedy. As creepy as it sounds, this film was very sweet and by the end most of the people in the theatre were sobbing. Ryan Gosling…I’m not sure what to say about this kid. He’s brilliant. His performance is flawless. High marks for this film. One of the best of the Fest.

I finally see my nemesis in between films. You know him. I speak of him every year. He’s about 6′6″ and looks like Chad Kroeger from Nickleback. That is if Chad Kroeger was older, fatter and a little more unkempt. Why is he my nemesis? I have no idea. Guy just bugs me.

I got a free pass for a screening of 3:10 To Yuma at this theatre next, but I decide I need a soda. The line at the concession stand is absurd, however, the line at Burger King is not as bad. I never bother to stop and think that filling a bag of popcorn takes way less time than grilling a hamburger. 10 minutes later I order my drink. Wait…that sure as hell isn’t root beer. It’s Diet Coke. That fucker behind the counter. First thing that pops into my head is a Dane Cook bit about getting ketchup for your fries. So, I go up to the counter and say “Dude, I ordered root beer. This is Diet Coke.” Without missing a beat, I think this guy was thinking about the exact same Dane Cook bit because he responds with ‘One second, buddy’. At that moment I look at him and he looks at the other guy working who then looks at me and I burst out laughing at the same time that these two dudes did. They totally knew the same bit and it restored my faith in today’s youth just a little more.

So, 3:10 To Yuma is the new film from James Mangold, who directed the wonderful Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line as well as Copland and the surprisingly good Identity. This film stars Christian Bale and Russell Crowe. I love westerns and not since Unforgiven have I been as excited to see a western as I have been to see 3:10 To Yuma. In order to make some extra money to save his home a crippled rancher (Bale) agrees to help transport thief and murderer Ben Wade (Crowe) to court by getting him onto the 3:10 train to Yuma. Getting to the station proves difficult as Wade’s evil gang tries to spring their leader and Wade himself uses his charm and cunning to start executing his captors one by one. I really enjoyed this film of good vs. evil and bullets and braun and it reminded me why I like westerns so much. Go see this film. Go re-watch Unforgiven and while you’re at it rent the Magnificent Seven and Rio Bravo.

Up next is the stoner comedy Smiley Face starring the ever popular Anna Faris. This was directed by Gregg Araki who directed the Doom Generation which had it’s debut here at the Fest a few years ago. Here’s the story: Faris plays Jane, a massive pot head. Her once great day of getting up at 9am to get high becomes horribly, horribly worse. First, she gets the munchies, so she eats her roommates cupcakes which happened to be laced with more pot. Then she uses the money for the electric bill to buy more pot so she can bake a new batch of brownies to replace the ones she ate. At this point she is more stoned than she has ever been and ends up burning the weed she just bought on the stove while she was melting it with butter. From this point forward she goes to an acting audition, falls asleep in the waiting room of a dentist, breaks into an apartment complex laundry room, accidentally steals an original copy of the Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx, and becomes a stowaway on a sausage truck….all while being incredibly stoned. There wasn’t much to this movie, although there were some very funny moments. Anna Faris was perfectly cast in this film and reminded me very much of one of my best friends…that’s you Sparky. This will become quite the cult film I think.

Oooh…Daughtry just came on the radio. Nice. If you told me a year ago I’d enjoy Daughtry I’d elbow you in the larynx…but what can I say? He’s got catchy tunes. Feels like I’m at work.

My fourth and final film of the night was the action packed Flash Point directed by martial arts guru Wilson Yip and stars the amazing Donnie Yen. This was a cop movie with some extraordinary martial arts action sequences. I’m not going to bother going into the plot details because it’s not important. Many of the scenes reminded me of Tony Jaa, the guy from Ong Bak, which was a bad ass martial arts film. So, if you like those types of movies….check it out.

On my way here to the internet cafe, I needed some caffeine, but all of the coffee places were closed so I had to settle for a Coke from McDonalds. I used the washroom while I was there and in the corner of the washroom was a pair of pants. Ummmm…how is it possible that you could forget your pants and who is going to the bathroom and removing their pants in the first place? That’s fucked up.

Tomorrow is my documentary day with three films including one about one of the greatest rock and or roll bands of all time….the Who!

By the way….can anyone reading this on Filmjunk spot my obvious shout out to Joss Whedon?

Greg

Greg’s 2007 Toronto Film Fest Report: Day 5
Greg’s 2007 Toronto Film Fest Report: Day 4
Greg’s 2007 Toronto Film Fest Report: Day 3
Greg’s 2007 Toronto Film Fest Report: Day 2
Greg’s 2007 Toronto Film Fest Report: Day 1

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