Well, when September rolls around there’s a wonderful smell in the air. A smell of excitement. A smell of passion. Oh…it’s a familiar smell. It’s not the aroma of NHL training camps beginning. It’s not the scent of HMV’s management conference. It’s the potent odour of a cruel and wonderful mistress. It’s the smell of TIFF. Booyah. The Toronto International Film Festival has begun and for me it’s year 12. Holy shit…12 years I’ve been coming here to be tortured, teased and punched in the mouth by TIFF. Apparently, I like that sort of thing. For those that wished they’d never read that last sentence…..my sincerest apologies.

It’s just before midnight on Saturday September 8th, 2007. A poorly lit internet cafe has Lovers in a Dangerous Time playing. No…not the exceptional Bruce Cockburn original, but the moderately entertaining Barenaked Ladies cover. The guy beside me thinks I spelled Cockburn wrong. I tell him it’s not pronounced the way it looks before I realize he’s READING MY E-MAIL. Good ol’ Toronto. I love you and hate you at the same time.

Anyway, it’s Day 1 for me here at the Fest and I only had one flick today. The film was called Nothing Is Private and stars Aaron Eckhart, the always attractive Maria Bello and was directed by Alan Ball. For those of you who do not frequent www.filmjunk.com let me tell you who he is. He wrote American Beauty, a one time TIFF presentation, and he created the television show Six Feet Under. This was his motion picture directorial debut. The film was about a young Arab-American girl who experiences a sexual obsession with her African-American boyfriend and a racist Texas redneck who happens to be married and a hell of a lot older. All of this happens under the watchful eye of her physically and mentally abusive Lebanese father during the Gulf War. It was based on Alicia Erian’s novel ‘Towelhead’. What a great name for a book! Back to the film…I sure as heck enjoy kicking off the Festival with a movie about an older man nailing a 13 year old girl. Good times. What kind of Festival is this? Mind you, if you’ve seen American Beauty, which was a great film, I guess the topic of this film is of no surprise. Maybe next year I will actually read what the films are about instead of just picking them based on writers, directors and actors. Just so you know…the actress who plays the 13 year old is actually 19. It’s not THAT kind of movie. Not only was the slanderous term of towelhead dropped many times in the film, so was camel jockey and sand ni**er. I know a certain HMV assistant manager who is giggling right now. Although, you wouldn’t think the plot to this film would be funny, but there were many times when I laughed out loud. Like when the boyfriend got mad at the girl because she lost her virginity to the Texas redneck. “That should be my blood, not his” Hilarious. It had the dark, twisted humour of American Beauty with some good performances from Aaron Eckhart and from Toni Collette as the protective pregnant neighbour of the young girl. If you liked Amercian Beauty, if you like Aaron Eckhart or if you like the thought of grown men going to town on 13 year old girls…then this is the movie for you.

Since this is already becoming the e-mail with the most racial slurs and stereotypes I’ve ever written…let’s continue on. Before the movie started, there was this dude sitting beside me and he had two cell phones. Sending two text messages and then talking on both….at the same time. Now, I would like to point out that the guy who was a little overly obsessive with his cell phones and the technology that comes with it was Asian. That’s all I’m saying. My best friend and 2nd family are Japanese and I feel that I can comfortably make that observation.

I’m going to cap this night off with a slice from Amato’s Pizza. Every year I frequent this place…it may be the best thing about Toronto.

A couple of films tomorrow…one being the sports-themed Ping Pong Playa.

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