So Michael Bay’s Transformers is just over a month away now, and people generally seem to be pretty excited about it. If it does well, I think it’s safe to say that we’ll probably see a sequel, along with a steady stream of other 80’s cartoons being adapted for the big screen. The obvious one is G.I. Joe, the cartoon and toy line that went head to head with Transformers during that era, and as we’ve previously reported, a G.I. Joe movie is currently in the works from producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura with Mark Wahlberg rumoured to be starring. I always liked G.I. Joe a lot more than Transformers, and I think it could make for a much less cheesy live action movie too. Alas, the last thing I heard was that the movie would feature a team up with Action Man, the international version of G.I. Joe, and could be described as a “buddy flick” between him and Duke.

Now things are looking even worse, according to El Mayimbe of Latino Review, who managed to get his hands on the latest script for the G.I. Joe movie written by Skip Woods (Swordfish). I had previously heard that the movie would be about the early formation of Cobra, but what I didn’t expect to hear was that the movie doesn’t feature Cobra at all. Instead, the villain of the movie is a guy named… get this… “Cool Dude”. I don’t see how a name like that could possibly make it into the final draft of a script… maybe it’s just a placeholder, but seriously, what the hell? He works with The Baroness (who is some hot chick with a cobra tattoo on her back) to launch a nuclear missile into Hong Kong killing thousands of civilians. G.I. Joe investigates, and eventually tracks the attack to an inside man at the C.I.A., who goes on to become Cobra Commander at the very end of the movie. Did I mention that there is a love triangle between Scarlett, Duke and Action Man? LAME. This script sounds like a total disaster, and even if the Transformers ends up sucking, at least they maintained some semblance of the original characters and story. This is just bad news. What was wrong with the former G.I. Joe script written by David Elliot and Paul Lovett (Four Brothers) that received such high praise? Oh, I forgot… it didn’t involve Action Man.