Ninja Gaiden (X-Box)
Developed by: Team Ninja
Published by: Tecmo

The original Ninja Gaiden 1, 2 and 3 must surely be ranked among the bestgames for the original NES, featuring cool weapons, fast-paced actionand acrobatic ninja moves. They were also among the first of theirkind to utilize cinematic cut-scenes to tell a story.But the times they are a-changin’ and now a new age is upon us –one that sees Ninja Gaiden resurrected exclusively on Microsoft’s game console.

No doubt the Ninja Gaiden name alone has sold more than a few X-Box systems out there… I know it is one of the factors that eventually sold me on it. Unfortunately it was one of many highly anticipated game thatsuffered delays last year, which only fueled people’s appetite and raised the bar forexpectations even further. Does the final product live up to these monstrousexpectations? The general consensus seems to be a resounding yes, and althoughthe game is definitely an amazing achievement I have to say that I am not with the general consensuson this one.

Ninja Gaiden may be selling like hotcakes but I have to wonder how many people actually knew what they were getting when they bought it. I can only speculate that if most people had taken the time to sit down with the game beforehand (ie. demo or rental), they might be a little less eager to run out and dump the contents of their wallets into Microsoft’s hands. You see, the problem with Ninja Gaiden, at least as far as my own experience goes, is that it’s one of those games that looks great, but in actual practice will probably wind up sitting on your shelf collecting dust.

Let me get one thing straight. I’m not saying it’s not an impressive game. Tecmo have exploited the power of the X-Box to the Nth degree and this is easily one of the best-looking console games I have ever seen. The character models, environments and cinematics are insane. It also runs extremely smooth with no noticeable slowdown, which is even more sweet when you witness the blazing speed at which this game moves.

The freedom of movement, speed and variety of attack maneuvers in Ninja Gaiden are awesome. You feel every bit a ninja in this game; walking on walls, tumbling and somersaulting around your enemies, carving them up with your sword. When combined with projectile weapons like shuriken and bow and arrow, “Ninpo” magic arts, and the “ultimate techniques”, there is a heck of a lot of depth to the fighting. The game is also gory as hell, with pools of blood spraying everywhere. If you unleash a power attack on someone you just might see their head rolling in the dirt. Gore doesn’t make a game good, but when the fighting is this stylish, fast-paced and dynamic, it can make for a really exciting game.

So how in the hell can Ninja Gaiden fall short of the mark after doing so many things right?

One complaint some people have made about the game is that the camera controls are awkward. In any 3rd person 3d game, this can be an issue. But when a game moves as fast as Ninja Gaiden does, it’s damn near impossible to keep the camera centred behind you. I think Team Ninja did the best they could with this aspect though, and I didn’t necessarily find it to be more than a minor annoyance in the grand scheme of things.

What I did find to be an absolute major pain in the ass is the difficulty level of this game! There’s no doubt Ninja Gaiden was created with hardcore gamers in mind, but if you ask me there’s no excuse in this day and age to limit your audience by making a game that is this frustrating and downright brutal. You might say it is a fitting tribute to the original NES games which were also known for being hard as hell. While I’m sure there are gamers out there who live for this kind of challenge, what about the rest of us? This is precisely why they invented a little thing called a “difficulty setting” so many years ago. Unfortunately, Ninja Gaiden only features a single difficulty level: Hard As Shit, and I’m willing to bet there are a lot of people who (like me) have barely been able to delve past the first couple of levels as a result.

I’m not sure exactly what makes the game so hard. The game’s speed is one possibility, as your reflexes have to be razor sharp to successfully dodge attacks and then connect on the offensive. More than that though, the enemies are just plain tough. The bosses don’t move in recognizable patterns that you can eventually learn through repetition, and the outcome of the battles feel almost random because of that. Even your run-of-the-mill ninja thugs are a force to be reckoned with in this game, to the point where every single fight could very well be your last. Unless I feel myself improving along the way I am not drawn back to a challenging game, and Ninja Gaiden all too often felt out of my reach.

Why would you want to make a game so hard that most people will never get through it? To me, that’s like writing a brilliant book in some ancient language that only a few people can actually understand. Games that are too easy may feel like a waste of money, but I’d rather actually get to experience the entire game instead of only seeing the first couple chapters.

The other thing to mention is that Ninja Gaiden feels like a brawler dressed up as an action/adventure game. In a way this makes sense, considering Tecmo developed the Dead Or Alive series (in which Ryu Hayabusa happens to be a playable character). Hit combos are a big part of the game play, and there are numerous special moves that you need to discover on your own in order to unlock Ryu’s full potential in battle. The actual story is pretty thin and the “puzzle solving” areas of the game aren’t really puzzles at all. It’s all about the action, and I can’t stand the fact that most of the fighting comes down to button mashing. Yawn.

I really wanted to love Ninja Gaiden and though I was excited about it at first, that excitement quickly wore off after I found myself on the verge of smashing the controller on the floor. I can appreciate the game, and I can see why hardcore gamers would love it, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not really my kind of game. I’m sure I’ll revisit it from time to time and maybe I’ll have a change of heart, but right now there’s a ton of other games I’d rather be playing instead. — Sean

Les Savy Fav - Inches
(French Kiss)

Over the years I’ve found myself easily referring to many bands as “one of my favourites”. Only recently did I realize that by doing this, I’ve been spreading myself way too thin. If everything is one of my favourite bands or records, then something only moderately good could accidentally end up being rated alongside a band that definitely deserves higher praise. Les Savy Fav is a band that I’ve referred to as “one of my favourites” for some time. However, believe me when I say that they surpass every other favourite band or record floating around in a limbo of above average bands and records. They exist in a dimension of their own.

Inches was a project started by the band in 1996 before the release of their first full length album. The main idea was to release nine seven inches containing two songs each, with individual cover artwork designed by the band. In the end the nine records would be combined to create one giant piece of art. Each seven inch would contain two songs, both related to each other and related to the piece of art on the cover. The songs would be written specifically with the project in mind, and each record would be released on separate record labels including The Self Starter Foundation, Tiger Style, Desoto, Sub Pop and many others. Seven years later, in October of 2003, the last two songs (Meet Me in the Dollar Bin, Hold on to Your Genre) were recorded and released and the project was completed. And now for those who missed out on picking up all of the albums on vinyl, the band has released the entire collection on cd (through bassist Syd Butler’s record label, French Kiss Records), along with a bonus limited run dvd.

The cd starts with the last two songs released, the aforementioned “Meet Me in the Dollar Bin” and “Hold On to Your Genre”. Both songs successfully march side by side with many of the tracks found on their last full length release, Go Forth. The cd then continues backwards in time until we end up with the very first seven inch of the collection, released on Sub Pop and containing “Blackouts” (re-released on their first full length, 3/5), and “Rodeo”. Both a more raw version of Les Savy Fav, missing the production techniques of six years from then, but shows an early example of the lyrical creativity of lead singer Tim Harrington, (“cheerios like red blood cells, my bowl is full”). Between the first and last release, we get the loss of one guitarist and the replacement of a drummer, a special appearance by David Cross, and some help from fellow Brooklyner’s Enon (another one of my favourites) on a spoken word track that plays like a radio drama. Fans will also be happy with the complete list of lyrics for all of the songs on the cd.

STAND OUT TRACKS: Meet Me in the Dollar Bin, We’ll Make a Lover of You, The Sweat Descends, Knowing How the World Works, One Way Widow, Yawn Yawn Yawn, Our Coastal Hymn…………

It’s noted in the liner notes that Inches comes with a limited edition dvd which future pressings may not include. Although the cd is completely worth picking up on its own, the dvd is definitely an added bonus. It contains music videos (some made by members of the band), and three songs (Disco Drive, Knowing How the World Works, Who Rocks the Party?) from a live performance taped in Brooklyn, 2003. The most interesting part of the dvd would be the album commentary. Never before have I heard a band do commentary on an actual album. Basically the song plays, the album cover sits on the screen, and the band members talk about stories behind the creation of the song. Definitely a cool idea which could open up the idea of other bands doing the same. The most entertaining of the commentaries is David Cross’ rambling stories told on “Hello Halo, Goodbye Glands”. The dvd also contains a series of photos taken of the band over the years. The only complaint I would have about the dvd is that I would love to see more live footage from different shows over the years.

Overall, any fans of Les Savy Fav’s inspired guitar work (U2’s the Edge would be proud) and endlessly quotable lyrics (“rally up my friends and stand by my bedside”) will be more than satisfied with this collection of rare tracks. With everything finally in place, you’ll get the big picture. (It had to be done.) — Jay C.

The Advantage - s/t
(5RC)

Isn’t it weird how music has the ability to unlock memories that had been hidden away in your mind for years? That’s surely the only feasible explanation for why retro 80’s music is still being played nowadays. As we all know, music has some magical nostalgic properties, but it’s the bits and pieces of music you pick up subconsciously in your day to day life that are especially potent. Stuff like jingles from commercials, TV theme songs and (if you’re a child of the 80’s) video game soundtracks are all stored away in that grey matter somewhere just waiting to be revived at a later date.

It should come as no surprise then that some people are die-hard fans of old video game music. Ever heard of The Minibosses? They’re the first band that I’m aware of who decided to dedicate themselves completely to playing songs from video games. Other bands have covered the odd game tune here and there for a joke, but these guys went all out, sticking to entire sets of music from the 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System. It brought them a lot of popularity and acclaim, but when you’re the originator of a good idea you have to expect that at some point someone may come along, steal your idea and do it better than you. And that’s what The Advantage do.

Taking their name from the arcade style joystick that was released for the NES, The Advantage are 4 amazing musicians putting their talents to use in a way that many people would consider a huge waste of time. Where The Minibosses tend to play distorted and muddled medleys that are vaguely familiar, The Advantage are very tight and play songs that are instantly recognizable. It’s strange how accurate their renditions are considering they use only 2 guitars, drums and bass, without much in the way of effects. Part of the reason why they can pull this off is simply because of their proficiency with their instruments. You might think of video game music as simple bleeps but the 8-bit Nintendo had some pretty complicated synthesized sound going on, with speed and precision that only electronic music can deliver.

The band consists of members of Crime in Choir and Hella, among others, and if you’re familiar with the explosive two-piece experiment that is Hella then you can be pretty sure you’re in for a ride here. Spencer Seim, the guitarist from Hella, is one of the best guitar players I’ve ever heard, and the really unexpected thing is that he plays drums in this band. He knows how to play though, as do the other members, giving them the ability to remake songs that you never would have thought possible.

There are 26 tracks on the record covering about 20 different Nintendo games, everything from well-known classics like Super Mario Bros. 2 and 3, Zelda and Bubble Bobble to slightly more obscure favourites such as Blaster Master, Marble Madness and Ghosts’n'Goblins. Their choice of songs is impeccable, often singling out lesser known pieces instead of the trademark theme song from certain games (ie. the Fortress song from Zelda instead of the main theme). Some of the real highlights include the jittery and authentic Ninja Gaiden - “Mine Shaft”, the epic Contra - “Snow Fields” and “Boss Music”, and the atmospheric Castlevania 3 additions.

Inevitably The Advantage have chosen some songs that The Minibosses also perform, but they are noticeably different in most cases. Goonies 2 (actually an instrumental adaptation of Cyndi Lauper’s “Goonies R Good Enough”) includes a cool lead-in that The Minibosses do not play, and The Advantage’s sped-up version of the Wizards And Warriors intro blows the skidly Minibosses rendition out of the water.

While there are tunes here that just about anyone will know, you don’t necessarily need to be familiar with the games to enjoy their music. Unless you absolutely hate video games or can’t stand instrumental music, I think this album is surprisingly easy to get into. A lot of the music is comparable to instrumental surf music — guitar driven melodic pieces that get inside your head and won’t go away.

There may be a few boring or repetitive tracks (I could do without Bomberman 2 or one of the Double Dragon 2 songs) and a few really short ones, but the number of tracks still makes it worthwhile. The recording quality is definitely lo-fi (more so in some cases than others), but it still sounds decent and passable for what it is.

While an album like this could easily be gimmicky and disposable, I haven’t been able to stop listening to it since I bought it. Granted, I am probably the ideal target audience for such a record, but I think it shows that much of video game music from the 80’s was great stuff that can stand on its own. It kind of puts the songs in a new light and gives you more of an appreciation for the people who composed the original stuff (many of whom get little to no recognition for their work). You might also think that an album of video game music could get really annoying really fast, but the album has a lot of variety and is totally listenable from beginning to end.

Of course, if you grew up playing Nintendo’s 8-bit system in the 80’s I’m sure you’re already sold on this album. It’s a trip down memory lane you won’t want to pass up. I do feel bad for The Minibosses though, as their time in the spotlight is quickly fading. I sure hope they didn’t quit their day jobs. — Sean

WarioWare Inc.: Mega Party Game$ (Gamecube)
Developed and published by: Nintendo

So-called party games are becoming a true genre unto themselves, and we have Nintendo to thank for starting the trend and keeping the ball rolling. The problem with the Mario Party games has always been the damn “board game” element… if I wanted to roll dice and move a game piece around I wouldn’t bother loading up a game console to do it. With WarioWare Inc: Mega Party Game$, Nintendo has come to the realization that the mini-games are the star of the show. In fact, they have taken the concept of mini-games and simplified them even further to create one of the most creative and original games I have played in a long time.

In WarioWare Inc we are introduced to the concept of “microgames”. Essentially these are little arcade games stripped down to the barest of essentials where you need to perform something very simple in no more than 3 or 4 seconds. The objectives of these microgames vary wildly, from adapted bits and pieces of familiar Nintendo games (ie. using Mario to bounce on a Goomba, shooting a duck like in the classic Duck Hunt, swatting a fly like in the SNES Mario Paint mini-game) to downright bizarre and completely unrelated activities like having Wario grab a mug sliding across a bar, lining up a hand with a dog to shake paws, or sticking a finger up a disembodied nose. Some may raise an eyebrow at the ridiculousness of some of these games but it is the odd and seemingly drug-inspired design that gives this game its charm.

The controls are never more complicated than using the control pad and a single button. Sound boring and easy? Well I have yet to mention the fact that the actual instructions shown on the screen are usually only a single word, such as “Shake!”, “Escape!” or “Pepper!” Part of the fun comes from trying to figure out exactly what you need to do before time runs out. The other important thing to realize is that you are presented with a series of these microgames in sequence, with the speed often increasing at a frantic pace. It makes for a hilarious and manic experience that reminds me of the TV game show Bonzai.

Now it is important to note here that WarioWare Inc.: Mega Party Game$ is actually a Gamecube adaptation of WarioWare Inc: Mega Microgame$ for the Game Boy Advance. This game is the epitome of Nintendo’s theory of keeping games simple and accessible to a wide audience. It is also typical of Nintendo’s habit of recycling and reusing their games as much as possible to scam consumers (which is admittedly clever from a business standpoint). The main complaint is that they’ve simply taken all of the microgames from the GBA version and wrapped multiplayer modes around them. The graphics are admittedly very low-tech for the Gamecube, considering they haven’t been changed at all. (Most of them are on par with some cheesy Macromedia Flash games you might play online.) I think the barebones style of these games enhances the visual appeal but if simplistic graphics make you feel that you’re not getting your money’s worth, you may take consolation in the fact that the price tag for this game is pretty reasonable.

Some people have argued that this new Gamecube version of the game can’t compare to the original, and while I have yet to play the GBA version, I think these little games seem most effective in a multiplayer setting to begin with. There is a single player mode similar to the GBA game where you have to complete series of microgames in sequence and it continually ramps up the speed, but I think all of the different multiplayer scenarios are much more enjoyable. The multiplayer modes do not involve board games (thank god), but are actually rather creative in how they make use of the microgames. One of the multiplayer game modes is called “Outta My Way!”, where one player attempts a series of microgames while the others can move their characters across the screen to block his or her vision. Another is called “Listen To The Doctor”, where you are to carry out an action in real-life (such as mooing like a cow or shaking your head from side to side) while you compete in the microgame and the other participants rate you on your performance afterwards by clapping. Weird stuff, to be sure, but it’s also ingenious.

As far as replay value goes, I’m sure part of the fun wears off once you learn most of the games. However, there are over 200 of them and with a bunch of unlockable microgames and modes you should be able to keep busy with this one for quite a while.

WarioWare Inc.: Mega Party Game$ is a very addictive and very cool game. Many hardcore or “mature” gamers will no doubt scoff at its simplicity and silliness but they really don’t know what they’re missing. If you’re not “too cool” to have fun then take a chance on this game and play it with some friends, I guarantee you’ll be hooked in no time. — Sean

Kill Bill Vol. 2
Written and Directed by: Quentin Tarantino
Starring: Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Michael Madsen, Darryl Hannah

You really have to hand it to Quentin Tarantino. He knows how to hype up his movies, but more importantlyhe knows how to deliver on that hype. It takes a lot of guts (and a lot of industry pull) to decidethat after shooting your first movie in over five years that you are going to release it in two installmentsinstead of one, just because you feel like it. Whenthe first half of his epic kung fu/spaghetti western revenge flick hit theatres it soaked up a lot ofcash, and the majority of critics were bowing before Tarantino’s flashy style and clever assortment of obscuremovie references and tributes. But as impressive and fun as the first volume was, it was incomplete,and the true judgement of his vision was riding on his ability to follow through in volume 2.

What may surprise (and possibly disappoint) some people is that Kill Bill Volume 2 is in many waysa stark contrast to the first film. Uma Thurman is still “The Bride” and she’s still pissed, butthe scenery shifts from Japan back to the U.S. (Texas to be exact) and we have a new cast of targetsfor her to hunt down — characters that we saw in Volume One but didn’t have a chance toget well acquainted with. In particular there is Bill himself, played by David Carradine,Elle Driver (Darryl Hannah), and Bill’s brother Budd (Michael Madsen). Fans of Reservoir Dogs willabsolutely love this bad ass dirtbag character, as it is most definitely a role thatonly Madsen could pull off.The new locale also makes for a fairly clean cut in terms of genre: Volume 1 paid tribute tokung fu movies and TV serials, but Volume 2 reveals his equal affection for spaghetti westerns.Rest assured there are plenty of Ennio Morricone tunes on the soundtrack (and even some decentoriginal music by Robert Rodriguez believe it or not).

Whereas Volume 1 was 90% spectacle and 10% plot/characterdevelopment, the second installment heavily favours the plot and character development side of things.This is important, because it really fleshes out a lot of what was missing in the first movie, andit absolutely succeeds in completing the tale in a satisfying way. Unfortunately it also slows down thepacing for much of the movie as we are forced to sit through a lot of backstory and a lot of dialogue.Some of it is excellent and necessary, but some of it also seems purposely slow and long-winded.We’re not talking about typical QT dialogue either; with the exception of Bill’s slightlyout-of-character speech about Superman’s alter ego, Tarantino sticks very close to the genres he’s striving toemulate. There are a lot of mystical diatribes about martial arts philosophy and a lot of debates aboutthe morals and motives behind revenge.A lot of the dialogue, especially the material coming from David Carradine, could be seen as prettycheesy stuff but you have to realize that again Tarantino is paying tribute. He’s written itthis way on purpose, and it’s up to you whether or not you choose to be in on the joke.

There is humour in this movie although the majority of it is of the “wink and nod” variety. Thedepiction of Pai Mei as the old, wisened yet annoyingly cocky kung fu master is one of themovie’s highlights. For the most part it is the silly situations and the dry one-linersthat provide the rest of the laughs.

The performances in Kill Bill Vol. 2 are amazing, and they really carry the film since it is socharacter-focused.All of the actors take their roles very seriously, but never take it so far that it would be over the top.Tarantino proves that he has a nose for casting, especially when it comesto actors and actresses that everyone else has forgotten about. Uma Thurman kicks ass onceagain with a range of raw emotion that’s all across the board. Tarantino’s direction style isstill very visual but not as kinetic this time around. There are a lot of slow, steady close-upsof the characters, to the point where you could potentially count every single wrinkle onDavid Carradine’s face.

This might make Vol. 2 sound boring in comparison to Vol. 1 though, and I don’t think that’snecessarily true. There are still some killer action sequences, and Tarantino throws some great plot twists in that show his writing to be anything but predictable.

The question most people are probably wonderingis whether Kill Bill Volume 2 is better or worse than Volume 1. The thing is,that’s a tough question because I like each of them for different reasons. If you enjoyed the first then I think you owe it to yourself to see the conclusion, although you certainly shouldn’t go in expecting a repeat of Vol. 1.

While the separation of the two volumes did help distinguish them in terms of style and genre,I think that ultimately one great film was weakened by cutting it in half and allowingeach section to grow bloated. It was never a question of whether or not Tarantino *could* fill uptwo movies with worthwhile material… it was a question of whether or not he *should*.Some careful editing and tweaking probably would have made this a true masterpiece,although it’s certainly an impressive achievement either way. For the time being, I will awaitTarantino’s special edition Kill Bill DVD set and hope for some sort of new combined cut.But I can’t deny the fact that whether you look at the movies individually or as a whole,Kill Bill makes for some of the most fun I’ve had at a movie theatrein a long time. — Sean

Metroid Zero Mission (Game Boy Advance)
Developed and published by: Nintendo

Samus Aran… oh how I love thee. I’ve had a thing for you ever since I laid eyes onyour long, flowing green hair and purple jumpsuit using thefamous “JUSTIN BAILEY” password. Of course, I was justa silly kid back then. I didn’t fully understand or appreciate your charm, your simple elegance,that aura of mystery and intrigue surrounding you. It wasn’t until I played Metroid II for theGame Boy and Super Metroid for the SNES that I began to truly fall in love. Then came Metroid Prime and Metroid Fusion, but still I couldn’t stop thinking about that first time we met.

When Nintendo announced a remake of the original Metroid on the GBA, I knew I would be unable to resist. Even though I criticize Nintendo for beinglazy and regurgitating their past successes far too often, I wanted nothing more thanto go back and relive those memories, knowing what I know now. I’m only telling you this becauseI want to be clear on one thing: I bought Metroid Zero Mission purely out of my love and dedication to you, nothing more.

The first Metroid game was way ahead of its time in terms of design and gameplay. It was so muchmore than a simple side-scroller. Here was a game where you had to explore a complex series of underground rooms, caverns and space stations all through your own ingenuity. The game was notcompletely linear as itinvolved a lot of backtracking, and it did not rely on mindless action as there were numerous puzzles to solve and hidden passages and items to uncover.There was even just enough of a storyline to keep things exciting.Of course, I will be the first to admit that Metroid was long overdue for an update. I mean,you can’t really expect anyone to sit down and play something nowadays using one of thosegod-awful password save systems. And the thought of drawing out your own map for a game by handis a painful one indeed. But it’s a classic that still deserves to be played even today, and Metroid Zero Mission makes it easy to do so.

Adding an automap feature and save points definitely makes this game a lot less intimidating andless cumbersome to play. It kind of leaves me with mixed feelings though because the gamecan also now be blown through in a matter of a few hours. Metroid Zero Mission isaccessible to a much wider audience than the original, but at the same time it loses someof the reward you get from exploring on your own. Fortunately, the navigation hints andinstructions don’t come directly from an annoying on-board computer so they aren’t asin-your-face as they were in Metroid Fusion.

The game has been updated in a number of other ways. Essentially it has been builton the Metroid Fusion engine, which means the 16-bit graphics and animation are on par technically withthat game and Super Metroid. The level design is different but familiar at the same time. Thebasic layout of the maps is the same, but the obstacles in the rooms are new and reworked totake advantage of some of the new abilities and gadgets that have been brought in from othermore recent Metroid games. Stuff like the power grip, hi-jump, speed boost, power bomband tow lines make this a whole new experience (although arguably not much different from MetroidFusion). There are new hidden areas (including some ChozoRuins that tie-in with the story from Metroid Prime) anda few new minibosses have been inserted before Kraid and Ridley to increase the challengeand variety. There are also a couple new 2d cinematic scenes added for dramatic purposes that look nice but are actually pretty pointless.

It all makes for a satisfying, albeit rather typical, Metroid game.Basically if you’ve played a couple other Metroid games, you already know the drill here. It’s very quick and easy to pick up Metroid Zero Mission, but hard to put it down — which is what makesit great and a suitable heir to the Metroid name. Sure, it would have beennice to get a whole new Metroid game instead of a remake, but Zero Mission does have enough unique elements to make it worth playing even if you already know the original like the back of your hand.From what I hear there is also a surprise in store after the Mother Brain battle(some sort of interesting new gameplay element) but I have yet to reach the very end of the game. I do know that you also unlock theoriginal game on your GBA when you complete Zero Mission, but you can already unlock that with Metroid Prime and Fusion anyways — talk about overusing the retro game bonuses!

I really must apologize though Samus. I get very defensive when I see Nintendo taking advantage of you. I know it’s not your fault. You’re just an interstellar bounty hunter doing your job… you’re not in it for the money. But I have to admit, they do your legacy justice, and I can’t blame them for wanting to get your story out to a wider audience. I just wish that we could spend more time together, you and I. I’m not just some silly kid anymore and I really think we have a lot in common. I anxiously await the next time we will meet, but in the meantime I just want you to know that you’re the only female interstellar bounty hunter I’ve ever had these kinds of feelings for. Please consider returning my calls. You’ll see, I’m really not a freak. I promise you won’t regret it. — Sean

William Hung - Inspiration
(Koch)

For those of who have been hibernating for the past few months, I will give you a short recap of current events. William Hung was one of the thousands of contestant to try out on American Idol. He performed the ever so popular and historic Rickey Martin classic “She Bangs”. If you haven’t seen it yet I suggest you head over to williamhung.net and check it out the original audition clip. I started spraying urine in my pants the first time I saw it. The singing and dancing was way too much for my bladder to handle.

At the audition the judges all laughed at him for being so bad. Hung’s reply was: “I already gave my best, and I have no regrets at all”. Then he added, “And you know, I have no professional train of singing”. Simon (one of the judges) replies with a sarcastic “No!”

Only in America can you do stupid things and achieve world wide fame and fortune. Even though Hung didn’t even pass the audition, he is getting more attention then people who did. Fan sites started appearing and the audio of “SHE BANGS!” was one of the top downloaded tunes on Itunes. He has been on countless shows like E.T, and has done many public performances. There is way too much to go over so I’ll just leave it at that.

Let’s talk about his new album called Inspiration. For those of you who know about William Hung, the album is exactly what you would expect it to be. It is quite comical to listen to, from the choice track listing to his inability to reach certain notes… well, actually, all the notes. Every so often you’ll hear short filler tracks from William giving his words of wisdom, kind of like an Asian version of Dr. Phil at times. It’s funny because the things he says are the same generic things you would hear from after school specials and your parents. Things like “Try your best!”

The track listing includes: She Bangs, I Believe I Can Fly, Hotel California, Rocket Man, Y.M.C.A Featuring The Gonnabees, and Shake Your Bon-Bon (among others). Even though the whole world is laughing, I still give him an “A” for effort! At least he hasn’t checked himself into a mental institute like those other internet stars (eg. The Starwars Kid). If you’re like one of those people who wants to bear William’s children, or just plan tap that fine William Hung ass of his, then get the damn cd. For the rest of you, I would suggest listening at least once just for the laughs… perhaps you’ll spray urine in your pants also.

6.1 out of 10 on my Ass kick meter

– Chian

Weezer - Blue Album: Deluxe Edition
(DGC/Universal Chronicles)

Back in the early 90’s when flannel and long hair ruled the music world, an unlikely group of clean cut, short-haired guys quietly recorded a landmark rock album and unleashed it on the world. No one took much notice of them at first, but when their Happy Days spoof music video went into rotation on MTV they suddenly became a household name. The band of course was Weezer and the breakthrough song was Buddy Holly. Although they played loud with crunchy guitars, their Beach Boys-esque harmonies, cheerful demeanor and silly song topics were about as far from “grunge” as you could get. (Then again, if you’ve seen the early live footage on Weezer’s recently released DVD, you might disagree with that statement…)

A decade later, it’s interesting to note that Weezer are quite possibly more popular now than ever before. Unfortunately, they are also past their prime, playing without their original bass player and clinging desperately to their hits from the past. With that in mind, it seems like an appropriate time for them to revisit the album that first launched their career into the stratosphere so many years ago.

Okay, not THAT many years ago.

To be honest, Weezer seem a little out of place among the other bands that are a part of this “Chronicles Deluxe Edition” re-issue series. Legendary artists like James Brown, Bob Marley & The Wailers, and The Who are a little more time-honored and prestigious than “The Weez” — but then again Sonic Youth’s Dirty and Goo albums are getting the same treatment so maybe they’re in good company after all. Here’s the deal with the Deluxe Edition series: classic albums are remastered and repackaged with a second bonus disc containing previously unreleased material, then sold at a premium price. In the case of Weezer, fans have been waiting years for an official B-sides collection. Some of their best songs can be found scattered across soundtracks, EPs, and compilations, so a bonus disc containing most of these tracks would be seen by most Weezer fans as a godsend. On the other hand though, does the Blue Album really need to be “remastered and restored”?

Listening to the Blue Album nowadays, it still stands the test of time. Again, it is only 10 years old but unlike most of the disposable music from the early 90’s, these songs are inspiring and influencing a lot of bands even today. From the quietly picked opening of My Name Is Jonas to the closing crescendo of Only In Dreams, the Blue Album is fairly short and simple but infectious like no other album I’ve ever heard. And on the new remastered version it sounds… exactly the same! I have to be honest, I’m no sound engineer but I really can’t detect a difference. It’s possible that it wasn’t remastered at all (considering that there are no remastering credits in the liner notes, it seems even more likely) but the sticker on the front of the CD clearly states that it was.

At any rate, all I really cared about in buying this package was disc two, labelled “Dusty Gems and Raw Nuggets”. The collection of B-sides and outtakes on the second disc does indeed cover some of Weezer’s best-loved long lost gems, including “Susanne” (originally from the Mallrats soundtrack), and “Jamie” (previously available on the DGC Rarities compilation). Incidentally, the liner notes explain that these two “love songs” are actually about a record label A&R rep and the band’s lawyer respectively, which goes a long way to supporting Rivers’ reputation for being a loser with the ladies. The other essential song on this collection is “Mykel And Carli”, a tribute to close friends of the band who ran the Weezer fan club and were tragically killed in a car accident. Each of these songs are simple and catchy and fit in well with the Blue Album’s tendencies including killer vocal harmonies and (in the case of “Mykel and Carli”) even some harmonica.

Unfortunately, the rest of the disc is not quite as essential. “My Evaline” is a very short (45 seconds) barbershop quartet style song that the band used for vocal practice. “Paperface”, “Lullaby For Wayne” and “I Swear It’s True” are the only songs here that were truly previously unreleased, but having heard them I think I understand why they were left buried until now. “Paperface”, taken from some of the band’s earliest D.I.Y. Kitchen Tape recordings, is a little too rambunctious and more than a little rough around the edges, while “Lullaby” and “I Swear” are both pre-production recordings from the Blue Album sessions that never made the cut — probably because they don’t really have any hooks and don’t seem to go anywhere.

There are a number of live tracks and acoustic performances of songs from the Blue Album, but these were filler for the EPs on which they originally appeared, and they are still filler now on this collection. The acoustic version of “No One Else” is at least different enough to deserve inclusion, but for the most part these are not all that interesting.

The track listing for this second disc probably wouldn’t have been so disappointing if not for the fact that there are some glaring omissions here, most notably “You Gave Your Love To Me Softly” (originally from the Angus soundtrack), a hard-rocking song that they still play live to this day. There are many other good Weezer b-sides floating around on the internet as well, although I suppose they may have limited this collection to songs that came from the same time period as the Blue Album. Perhaps we will just have to wait for the Pinkerton, Green Album and Maladroit Deluxe Editions to get the full catalog. Boy, wouldn’t that just piss you off?

The package also comes with a 26 page booklet featuring photos, hand-written song lyrics and some short blurbs about the origins of the songs on disc two. Cool I guess, but nothing overly elaborate or insightful.

While the Deluxe Edition of Weezer’s Blue Album might be considered a must-have for some Weezer fans, it is not likely to be of interest to anyone else. The steep price of this double album ($40 Canadian) may even have hardcore fans thinking twice, and completists will likely be irked by the exclusion of some key B-sides. As far as listenability goes, I’m sure many fans would rather stick to their own home-made Weezer rare track listings anyways. If you already own the Blue Album, I have to admit it’s a pretty tough sell. Then again, if you don’t already own the Blue Album then you clearly have more important issues to be sorting out in your life right now! — Sean

The Simpsons: Hit & Run (PC)
Developed by: Radical
Published by: VU Games

The Simpsons franchise has been used and abused to death. With products ranging from poorly drawn comic books to cheaply made “don’t have a cow!” shirts that were always oversized and faded on the first wash, Simpsons video games also followed this same formula. Pretty much most of them came out of the same ass they were made… however there are exceptions, like The Simpsons arcade game and now Simpsons Hit and Run.

Strange wasp cameras start to show up in Springfield, and now you must investigate. Homer, Bart, Lisa, Marge, and Apu now must drive around spingfield to get to the bottom of these strange occurrences. The best way to describe this game is Simpsons Theft Auto (Grand Theft Auto)………well sort of. Take away the guns, gangs, blood, and boobs, throw in some Simpsons characters, scenery, cars and that pretty much describes this game. Even though it is a beaten rip off of GTA, the game is still pretty darn fun.

The most amazing thing about this game is the close attention to detail. The hardcore fans of the series will appreciate this much more. Everywhere you go you will find things like signs and famous landmarks and even really obscure things from the show will show up in the game. Things like Knight Boat (the talking boat), right down to boxes of Biclops man comics. It is truly amazing how much they managed to cram in. You can tell the developers are huge fans series themselves. It must have killed them having to do research for the game, watching episode after episode and getting paid to do it.

Simpsons Hit and Run is arguably the best Simpsons game made to date. It’s about time they put the license to good use, even though the TV series is getting crappier and crappier. Hopefully the games will get better and better. For every Simpsons fan this game is a must have.

7.8 on my ass kick meter.

– Chian