Hell Comes To Frogtown (DVD)
Hell Comes To Frogtown (DVD)
Directed by: Donald G. Jackson, R.J. Kizer
Written by: Randall Frakes, Donald G. Jackson
Starring: Rowdy Roddy Piper, Sandahl Bergman, Rory Calhoun, William Smith
When the DVD format first arrived, the human race had a chance to erase many cultural blemishes from its history by simply choosing to re-release well-respected films. This would preserve only our finest art for future generations, while leaving all the crap to rot away in obscurity on VHS and/or Beta videocassette. Man… thank god that didn’t happen!
I’ve always said (well, I’m saying it now), that if good movies deserve high quality DVD releases, then so too do the bad movies… maybe even more than the good. I’m guessing the fine folks at Anchor Bay would whole-heartedly agree, and their decision to immortalize the movie Hell Comes To Frogtown on DVD is nothing short of heroic.
This is not to say that Hell Comes To Frogtown is really a bad movie. It just depends on your definition of “bad” I suppose, but I can honestly say it is one of the most outlandish, ridiculous, and hilarious cult sci-fi action films I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe that up until a few days ago, I hadn’t even heard of it… especially considering that the movie stars none other than former WWF superstar Rowdy Roddy Piper! This seems to have been his first feature film role, and probably the performance that convinced John Carpenter to cast him in They Live.
The movie takes place in a post-apocalyptic world in the aftermath of a nuclear war, and as you might expect, most of the human race has been decimated. From the people that remain on the wasteland called Earth, women are now the dominant gender for some reason (maybe they outnumber the men), and infertility is a problem that threatens the survival of future generations of mankind. Enter Rowdy Roddy Piper, aka Sam Hell, one of the few fertile men left on the planet. He is captured by the female-run government and informed that it is his duty to save the world by impregnating as many women as possible. Don’t worry, this isn’t a porno (although there is plenty of T&A) — you see, fertile women are just as rare as fertile men. There is, however, a convenient harem of fertile women that have been enslaved by the evil Commander Toty in Frogtown… but first they must be rescued!
Oh yeah, the other thing I forgot to mention is that when the bombs were dropped, the radiation also created a race of humanoid mutant frogs. I bet the eggheads and bean counters didn’t plan on that! Commander Toty happens to be one of these renegade frogs, and so Sam must set off to Frogtown and free the women before he can courageously “lay some Pipe”, so to speak.
Luckily, he is not alone on his journey to Frogtown. He is accompanied by two government employees, one being Spangle (Sandahl Bergman — Conan The Barbarian), a stuck-up by-the-books Medtech officer in charge of protecting his family jewels. The other is Centinella (Cec Verrell), a bad ass militia woman who looks kind of like Lara Croft. Along the way they also meet up with “Looney Tunes” (Rory Calhoun), a crazy old timer who was a mentor to Sam back in the day.
In some ways Hell Comes To Frogtown seems almost like a spoof of Star Wars and Mad Max. (In fact, according to IMDB there are 2 sequels to this movie, the second of which is entitled “Toad Warrior”.) The movie is also quite original however, and stands on its own as a very uhhh… unique work of sci-fi/fantasy. Believe it or not, the special effects in the movie aren’t half bad either. The frog outfits look pretty cool, complete with the moving eyelids and other creepy animatic movements.
The movie is definitely not intended to be completely serious, and perhaps the most obvious campy element is the ridiculous protective device that Piper has to wear on his crotch. It is labelled “Property of Provisional Government”, and it is used to monitor his sperm count and other stuff. Of course, it also has a “flap”, for easy access during the fertilization process, and strangely enough, a built-in electrocution mechanism that can be controlled by Spangler in order to keep Sam in line. (He is only saving the world against his will after all.) The thing I don’t understand is, why would you want to electrocute the testicles of one of the only fertile men in the world?!
Rowdy Roddy Piper’s acting however, is the stuff that makes for legendary bad movies. He plays it all completely straight-faced, and yet his lack of emotion and grossly overdone machismo should be enough to make anyone crack a smile. There are also some classic lines in this movie, almost as good as Piper’s line from They Live about kicking ass and chewing bubblegum. I don’t want to spoil any of the surprises for you, but the point when I knew this movie was unstoppable was when Spangle is forced to dance suggestively for a mutant frog, and we are shown 3 moving bulges under his loincloth, followed by his announcement, “You have aroused the three snakes!”
There really is no good reason not to own Hell Comes To Frogtown on DVD. I found it at Zellers for like 8 bucks, and for a cheapo DVD, this is unbeatable value.
The video quality is pretty respectable, and it’s presented in 16×9 widescreen with Dolby stereo sound. It also comes with a trailer (hard to believe this was actually in theatres???) and an audio commentary track. Although the audio commentary is not very scene-specific (sounds almost like it could have been culled together from recorded interviews and conversations between the director and writer) it provides some interesting background and it’s more than I expected for a movie like this.
So yeah… as I mentioned, this movie has evil radioactive frogs with three penises, and Rowdy Roddy Piper saving the world with his sperm count! That’s probably all I needed to say right from the start. Track this flick down at all costs, you owe it to yourself to witness The Dance Of The Three Snakes at least once in your lifetime. — Sean

It doesn’t seem so long ago that heavy metal and long hair were popular, but in revisiting these things some 20 years later, it makes you wonder how people could have created such a corny, ridiculous culture in the first place. Then you realize that there are still pockets of people around nowadays who are permanently stuck in the world of 80’s hairspray rock. FUBAR is a fake documentary about two such people — the key word there being fake, unfortunately.
Now there’s no denying the fact that FUBAR reuses ideas from other mockumentaries that have come before it, most notably This Is Spinal Tap (although the characters in FUBAR are not actually in a band), Heavy Metal Parking Lot, and also the 1999 film American Movie, a documentary about a long-haired redneck who follows his dream of making movies. Clearly this kind of thing has been done before… and done better.
The other thing that didn’t really work is their attempt to mix serious topics of cancer and death with characters who are supposed to be oblivious to reality. These were the only real plot elements in the entire film, but it worked against the movie’s comedic qualities. One minute director Mike Dowse wants us to feel for the characters, or appreciate their friendship, and the next he wants us to laugh at how stupid they are. The movie just did not feel genuine at all.
One of the things that has allowed Sony to overtake Nintendo in the video game market over the years is Nintendo’s unhip reputation for making games that are cute, cuddly and aimed at younger audiences. Although Nintendo has done little to counter this image in the past, they are beginning to realize (perhaps too late) that the gamers who grew up on the original NES are now in their 20’s and 30’s and want something a little more dangerous than Mario and Luigi floating on clouds and collecting stars.
Now the other big question I had about the controls in this game is how they were planning on implementing the “Maru Mari”, also known as the Morph Ball, which allows Samus’ suit to transform into a sphere that can roll into hard to reach areas. I thought they might be forced leave this out of the game, as it’s not a typical FPS style of movement. However, the way they solved the problem is brilliant. When you hit the X button, the camera view shifts back into a 3rd person POV as you roll into a ball. From here you are free to roam around with speed that is sensitive to the force you apply to the analog stick. It’s very intuitive and the realistic physics in many ways reminds me of the game Marble Madness.
In preserving the atmosphere of the game, Retro Studios also employed some cool tricks to avoid any sudden interruptions for loading time. As you explore in Metroid, the levels load in the background as you play, so there never are any stops in the game.
In writing a review of Adaptation, I just may be attempting the impossible. This movie is both a challenge to watch, and a challenge to write about. But my goal here is not to pass any sort of judgement on this mindbending masterpiece; there is simply no benchmark for comparison, no critical viewpoint that can hope to do it justice. As far as movies go, Adaptation is in a league of its own. I aim only to try and give a brief synopsis, an idea of why this movie is so unique and what you can expect to get from it.
One of the cool things about Adaptation is how it successfully blurs fiction and real-life, which creates a lot of mystery and a lot of depth. A viewing of Adaptation conjures up a ton of questions, including: How much of this movie is based on the book? How much of the material is autobiographical of Charlie Kaufman? Does Kaufman really have a twin brother? What the heck does Susan Orlean think of this movie?
Pretty much everyone missed Human Nature when it finally got released this year. It debuted at Cannes in 2001 and was put on hold for a long long time. Bad sign. It received pretty lousy reviews upon its release, and I couldnt understand why. I still don’t. Charlie Kaufman is God.
Puff (Rhys Ifans, Adrian in “Little Nicky”) is absolutely awesome and steals the show. He was raised in the wilderness by his father, played by Toby Huss a.k.a. King of the Hills’ Cotton Hill and Kahn Souphanousinphone. Nathan kidnaps him and teaches him table manners.
Movie stars wanna rock. Nothing new, and not reallymentioning, considering how many embarrassmentscelebrities have brought upon them entering the musicindustry.
I remember the first time I heard a Bruce McCulloch song. He was still in Kids in the Hall at the time, yet the first time I heard “Daves I Know” came from the Northern Pikes of “She aint pretty” fame, as they covered the song in the fields of Club Roma on tour with the Watchmen. I was 12 or so and I watched it from my roof.
So sue me, I like the Foos. Dave Grohl is one of the few genuine, honest guys in the music industry, and he’s also a great songwriter in spite of that (or maybe because of that). Sure his songs are poppy, radio-friendly and accessible as hell, but many of them also rock harder than anything else being played on commercial radio nowadays. Just look at some of the past Foo Fighters singles: Everlong, Monkeywrench, Breakdown, I’ll Stick Around… I don’t care if 14 year old girls hum these tunes on their way to the Muchmusic dance party, they’re simply great songs.






























