At The Drive-In - Relationship Of Command
(Grand Royal)

At a time when most music is so uninteresting and blatantly manufactured, El Paso’s At The Drive-In continue to blow people away with their hard-hitting and unpredictable style of emotional post-punk rock.

Their latest album, Relationship of Command, finds At The Drive-In moving from Fearless Records to Grand Royal, and in the process moving into the media spotlight. At the risk of contributing to the endless hype surrounding these guys right now, I have to concede that Relationship Of Command truly is one of the musical masterpieces of the year.

It is difficult to describe the sound of At The Drive-In without incorporating such vague and overused reference points as Fugazi and Rage Against The Machine. To drop a few more names into the mix, I must say that I hear a lot of guitar work similar to Embrace (Ian Mackaye’s band prior to Fugazi), as well as Sonic Youth. This only scratches the surface of their sound however. They completely defy categorization, and with this, their most varied release yet, each successive song finds them crossing into new and unknown territory.

Some fans were worried that Ross Robinson wasn’t the right man to produce this album because of his previous work with such bands as Korn, Limp Bizkit and Slipknot. Truth be told, Robinson did an amazing job of capturing the band’s live intensity on this recording.

The album is an all out sonic assault. At times it is chaotic, aggressive, and seething with anger and fury, at other times it is controlled and melodic. It throws so many unpredictable breakneck turns at you that it’s hard to keep up. There is a lot of experimentation here, with extensive use of guitar pedals and vocal effects, along with sporadic use of piano, drum loops and samples thrown in for good measure.

From the opening build up of Arcarsenal to the spoken word/beat poetry weirdness of Invalid Litter Dept, to the final haunting strains of Non-Zero Possibility (which sounds strangely reminiscent of Tori Amos), Relationship Of Command is a complete feast for the ears. As if that’s not enough, Iggy Pop also makes an appearance on the song Rolodex Propaganda.

At The Drive-In are getting a huge commercial push right now, and it is reassuring to see that there are a few people in the music industry who can still appreciate originality and talent. However, it remains to be seen whether or not the general public can appreciate these traits, or at least be brainwashed into appreciating them. Relationship Of Command is an album that may go over some people’s heads, but that is just further proof of its brilliance. — Sean

Dusty Diamond’s All-Star Softball (NES)
Developed by: Broderbund

Don’t quote me on this, but I think the Nintendo Entertainment System probably had more baseball games produced for it than any other video game system. Each one took a slightly different approach, and each one had its own share of weird quirks. But the baseball game that had, by far, the most weird quirks, was definitely Dusty Diamond’s All-star Baseball.

Looking at the game’s box artwork, one may be lead to believe that this is just a straightforward, fairly realistic style baseball game with little in the way of bells or whistles. This couldn’t be farther from the truth my friends.

First of all, Dusty Diamond’s All-star Baseball was not a realistic baseball game intended to simulate the major leagues. Rather, it is intended to recreate the experience of having a neighbourhood pick up game.

You get to choose from 5 different fields, including a school, a park, and a cliff. Each field has its own unique rules. For instance, at the school, if you break a window, you are automatically out. At the cliff, if the ball goes rolls under the fence it is considered a ground rule double.

The next step is what really makes this game so much fun though. You get to choose your team from a roster of 60 kids. Now, this is where the game gets really weird. Many of the kids living in this neighbourhood are simply not normal. Let me introduce you to some of the more bizarre players:

	Diablo One of the heavy hitters in the game. Yes, he bares more than a passing resemblance to Lucifer aka The Prince of Darkness. He also clubs the ball with a large spiked bat.
	Zelda I assume she is supposed to be a witch of some sort, and she uses what appears to be a broom when she’s at the plate.
	Sid Punks not dead! Before Sid Vicious was a heroin addict, he was chubby and a pretty average neighbourhood ball player.
	Fuji Bo Jackson played baseball and football.. Fuji is a sumo wrestler that plays baseball in the off season. This guy will run over anyone on the base paths who is dumb enough to get in his way.
	Artie As if the other kids weren’t weird enough, this kid wears a hard hat and swings a pick axe. WTF?
	Johnny Well, Johnny just looks like he’s a caveman or something…

There were many other weird characters, such as a guy named Froggy, who hops when he runs the bases, and a guy named Babe who looks a lot like Babe Ruth.

Anyways, once you have your line-up selected, you get to choose your team name. The available team names are totally wacked. There is a team name for each letter of the alphabet, and they sound like something a 5 year old kid made up. Your choices range from The Dorks to .. The Ukers?? And I guess the couldn’t think of anything for the letter E, so it’s just the E-team.

All in all, the graphics in Dusty Diamond were pretty cheesy. Especially when it shows the overhead view of the entire field. A lot of the players faces look messed up too.

The actual gameplay is fairly standard. It’s all easy to control, but there is a lot of added fun that comes from the different skills that each player has. Some of the kids can levitate off the ground when they are fielding. Some of the batters are really really fast and can often score an in the park homerun before you even touch the ball in the outfield. Some players are really good pitchers, and do crazy whirlwind wind ups before delivering the pitches.

This is one of those games that easily became a cult classic. Apparently there are some people out there who were absolutely obsessed with this game. I have found a few other web shrines that attest to this. But the reason why this game was so compelling was because of the different characters and their unique traits. People who played this game spent endless amounts of time examining the strengths and weaknesses of each player as they attempted to find their “dream team”, and then to assign the perfect fielding positions and batting order to the team. On top of this there are lots of cute little details, such as the crying faces the players have when they get thrown out while running the bases.

Dusty Diamond’s All-Star Softball has real lasting power. You don’t find too many games of this calibre anymore. It has stood the test of time, and even today can provide hours and hours of amusement. If you never had the pleasure of playing it, well.. then you just don’t know what you’re missing. — Sean

Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park
Directed by: Gordon Hessler
Written by: Don Buday, Jan Michael Sherman
Starring: Kiss, Deborah Ryan

Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park is a made for TV movie from 1978 ranks right up there with the Star Wars Holiday Special as an absolute abomination that probably should never have been produced.I’m sure it looked good on paper and all that, but I’m willing to bet that Kiss want to see this thing buried just as much as George Lucas wants to see the Holiday Special buried. With that being said, you know that it’s must-see material.

The cool thing about the movie is that unlike a movie such as Detroit Rock City, for example, this is not just a movie based around Kiss. The band members actually star in it!Thankfully, it was released on video at some point by HGV video, so if you’re lucky, your local video store just might have it sitting on the shelves somewhere.

As the story opens, we see many people having the time of their life at an amusement park. It just so happens, that we also see signs and posters that tell us that Kiss is going to be performing at the park later that night. Soon we are introduced to the owner of the park, and the engineer/scientist who is responsible for designing most of the equipment in the park. The scientist seems to have an obsession with creating life-like androids, and for some reason, he’s not a big fan of Kiss. Ultimately, this leads to his dismissal, and so of course, he vows to have his revenge on Kiss by building 4 evil android replicas of Kiss.

There are a few “subplots” to the movie, if you can call them that. A young couple are enjoying their day at the park, when the boyfriend disappears. So the girl wanders around the park aimlessly trying to find him.

There are also 3 young hoodlums that are walking around the park stirring up trouble. Their names are Chopper, Slime and Dirty Dee. They are the best.

Basically, the first 20 or 30 minutes are pretty slow and boring, and only serve to stretch out the movie so that they could bring in more advertising money I suppose. Fortunately, things really pick up once the members of Kiss are introduced.

Now, you may not realize it, but each of the members of Kiss actually has super powers, granted to them by 4 secret talismen. (Without them they are just ordinary humans, who lack the power to rock.) Gene Simmons (The Demon) can breathe fire, and often lets out these dubbed growls that sound like the evil demon from Ghostbusters, Paul Stanley (Star Child) can shoot beams out of his eyes, Ace Frehley (Space Ace) can teleport, and Peter Criss (Cat Man)… well I’m not sure what he can do.

Throughout the next section of the movie, Kiss encounter the girl, and realize that she in trouble. (”I sense you are looking for something, and it is not Kiss!”) So of course they agree to help her find her boyfriend.

At this point, the movie feels like a mixture of Scooby Doo and the original Batman series. The 70’s funk soundtrack also brings to mind various cop films, and the fight scenes are way too funny. They are very poorly choreographed, and totally cheesy. Kiss look really awkward and feminine in their huge costumes and make-up, and it just doesn’t mix well with their battles against strange monkeys, kung fu masters and androids.

As if all this hilarity wasn’t enough, the movie is also interspersed with pseudo-live concert footage of them performing such hits as Shout It Out Loud, Rock N Roll All Night, and I Stole Your Love.

At the climax of the movie, we are also treated to the evil androids performing a song entitled “Rip and Destroy” (to the tune of Hotter Than Hell), which was intended to brainwash the audience and start a riot in the amusement park. Classic stuff!!

The thing that makes this movie great is that the members of Kiss are really bad actors. There are also lots of cheesy visual effects used for their super powers. Then there is the matter of their voices. Gene Simmons has a weird distortion put on his voice to try and make him sound demonic, but it just ends up making him unintelligible at points. Peter Criss had his voice dubbed (possibly to cover up his lisp?). Perhaps the most puzzling thing about this movie however is the fact that Ace Frehley always talks in this high pitched voice and makes this annoying laugh that sounds like one of the Three Stooges.

If I haven’t convinced you by now that this movie is worth checking out, then I don’t know what else I could possibly say. Kiss are one of the most fun rock n roll bands out there, and I give them props just for trying something like this. Sure, it didn’t turn out as well as they might have hoped, but that just makes it even better. This is one classic movie that I hope will never be forgotten by the ravages of time. — Sean

The Aquabats - Myths, Legends and Other Amazing Adventures Vol. 2
(Fearless/Horchata)

A new Aquabats album? Who’d a thunk it? Well in actual fact, I’m still not sure if this qualifies as a “new” album. It says right on the cover that it contains rareties, b-sides, demos and outtakes, but unlike most b-side collections the songs on this album are all high quality and all sound consistent, as if they were taken from the same recording session. Perhaps they were old songs that were reworked and re-recorded to create a new album? (The song The Wild Sea sounds like a remake of the song Chemical Bomb that appeared on their last album.)

Well, either way, I have nothing but praise for this cd.In the past I’ve complained that sometimes The Aquabats have a lot of joke songs on their albums that are funny to listen to once, but then they grow old real quick. This album has plenty of joke songs, but they are all really funny, and I can’t get enough of them.

Case in point: I Fell Asleep On My Arm, a hilarious Korn/Limp Bizkit spoof which has already started popping up on Napster labelled by smart asses as a “super rare” Korn track. This song had me in hysterics by the time they started imitating the ridiculous weird noises that Korn lead singer Jon makes. Not even Weird Al Yankovic could have pulled this off better.

Other “oddly amusing” songs include Worms Make Dirt, which sounds like it could have been on Bill Nye The Science Guy or a similar educational TV show, and the song Pool Party, in which the Aquabats pay homage to Rush’s Tom Sawyer. Most of the songs have strange little intros and outros too, just totally bizarre stuff. I mean, what’s with the whole Michael Jackson thing at the end of Pizza Day?? All I know is it makes me laugh…

The cool thing is, aside from the humour of the songs, the music is actually fun to listen to. People who didn’t like their last album because it had no ska on it will be pleased to find that Myths, Legends… has plenty of ska on it. Which is strange, what with ska backlash in full effect nowadays. However, they’ve mixed ska with the new wave synthesizer- based sound that they started experimenting with on their last album. It’s the perfect combination.

I gotta say, The Aquabats really impressed me with this one. From start to finish it is probably their most solid release to date, and unless you are a Korn fan you’ll be grinning from ear to ear the whole way through it. — Sean