Motley Crue – New Tattoo
(EMI/Beyond Music)

Metal may be making a so-called “comeback”, but there really was no need for this album. There is a time and a place for everything, and the time and place for The Crue was back in the eighties. They should be remembered for their classic material rather than this mediocre mess. Still, the album does have its amusing points.

New Tattoo is almost worth picking up just to laugh at the lyrics. They are crass, stupid and just plain bad. (”Jailbait playmate / Freak show masturbate / Fuel inject carburete / Underage penetrate”) They tend to stick to the lyrical topics they know best: sex, drugs and rock and roll. The album also features some laughable attempts to sound modern and hip with the songs “First Band On The Moon”, and “Porno Star”, the latter of which uses clichéd computer terminology to sing about cybersex and internet pornography.

Certainly, the bad ass attitude is firmly in place, and this may be enough to win back some of their old fans. Unfortunately, the music fails to back up the attitude. There aren’t many bad ass guitar riffs or anthemic choruses here, just a lot of forgettable power chords, and awkward sounding transitions. Without Tommy Lee on the skins, they seem to have lost a lot of their oomph.

Some songs try to stick at least somewhat close to the Crue’s old school sound, including the first single, “Hell On High Heels”, which is perhaps the most tolerable song on the album. Others sound like an attempt to achieve that heavier sound that is all the rage with the kiddies nowadays. As for Vince Neil’s vocals, well, a lot of the time, he comes off sounding like Layne Stanley.

The record is ended off with a strange cover of The Tubes’ “White Punks On Dope”, which could only have been chosen because of the title. It’s not that the song doesn’t fit in, but it certainly seems like an odd way to end the album.

Overall, New Tattoo is not as bad as it could have been. Hardcore Crue fans may still find some redeeming value in it, but it certainly won’t appeal much to the masses. It is actually somewhat ironic that they decided to call this album New Tattoo, because just like a bad tattoo, it’s something that they’re going to regret later. Unfortunately for them, there’s currently no laser surgery that can erase a sub-par album from your career. — Sean